Archive for July, 2021

We all need to regard ourselves as important. We also long to feel loved, acceptable and safe. When we don’t have these things, hopefully we will begin a search for them rather than resigning ourselves to be unhappy.

Some of us had parents who made us feel important. But parents often fail to give us unconditional importance. So, many of us sought conditional importance in the eyes of our parents that required us to jump through various hoops to earn. And what might those hoops have been?

In my family it was good grades, doing well in sports, and avoiding their criticisms. But no matter how hard I tried, I never seemed to measure up.

Others of us sought approval from relatives, friends, or teachers. But when we think we have earned their approval, we may have asked ourselves, “How do I know what they really think of me anyway?”, or “Is what they think of me the truth?”

As an adult, I unknowingly gave certain people the power to define me. I looked to them to give me importance. But it never satisfied me for long. It never was enough.

I remember for several years I sought a particular leader’s approval to regard myself as important. I didn’t have the confidence within me that I was important based on my opinion. But if he treated me as if I were, I could feel better about myself. But he never treated me as if he thought I was important.

Besides the struggle to convince others to think we are important so that we can feel significant, another obstacle is that we are not needed by most people. “If somehow I can be needed by many people, I would feel more important” we think to ourselves. But we are limited in meeting others’ needs, and it is impossible to be needed enough to feel important consistently. Soon, we are back chasing the bright, illusive butterfly of significance.

We may set arbitrary standards to measure our worth. We think that we need to be an engineer to be successful. Or, we have to become a middle manager by forty to be important. Or, we need to be married and have three kids to attain significance. But when we meet these standards, we soon realize that we are chasing fantasies and want still more.

Others of us search for importance in fame or wealth. But how much is enough to feel significant?

The truth that we are important by just being ourselves alludes most of us. Impressing people, performing well at work and holding leadership positions makes more sense.

However, God has made us this way – to want to be important but never permanently finding it apart from depending on how important we are to him. He says to us who look to him for our importance that we are precious and honored. Where can we find a better reason to regard ourselves as important than being one of his children? “See how much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1).

He also tells us that he has made us “only a little lower than God and crowned us with glory and honor” (Psalm 8:5). We are the crowning achievement of his creation! That should make us feel significant.

Therefore, our search for significance can be over. We no longer need to strive for it. We are already important! If God thinks we are important, so we are.

May we turn away from the futile chase to be important. We will never attain what God has given to us as a gift for trusting in him. May we accept the truth – we are important!

What do you rely on to feel important? How is that working for you?

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