Journey into Light

I have been puzzled in the last few months that so many of my attempts to help out in one ministry or another have been refused. These are ministries that I am good at and have something to give. Besides feeling disappointed and some hurt by the refusals, I sensed a quiet desperation in me that screamed that I had to serve. I had to serve not only to help people, but also I had to serve to regard myself as worthwhile and acceptable.

The latest example happened last week. I volunteered to lead a small group at our church. However, as time went by, I was not notified of anyone assigned to my group. However, everyone else I talked to who had volunteered to lead a group had been assigned a number of people. So, I made some calls but got no response.

As I pondered what God could be doing in all of these refusals, I happened to read something that I had written about living in the fourth mansion. Living in the fourth mansion is a stage of spiritual maturity characterized by learning to rest in who we are, not what we do. At this stage, we learn to receive worth and acceptance as gifts, not seeking to earn them through being busy. We learn that no ministry or anything else we do adds anything to our worth and acceptance to God.

So, I began the process of accepting still another refusal for my services as part of the maturing process that God was taking me though. Then, the door opened. A friend of mine urged me to try one more time to contact the church. So, I did and connected this time and found out that they did not have my contact information. So, as soon as I gave them my contact information, the names began to come in and the group has grown to a nice size.

So, what was God doing in all of this? I think one thing was to remind me to learn to rest in my worth and acceptance I already have from him, and not what I can earn by being active in the ministry. If he leads me to do nothing, so what? I do not lose any worth or acceptance. He does not want me to misuse his ministry that he gives me for a phony attempt to earn worth. He wants me to learn to receive worth and acceptance as a gift by living in the fourth mansion. This will make me free to serve for the right reasons.