Journey into Lightl

I was trained as a child not to be me.

Being me did not seem to meet by needs as well as being who my parents wanted me to be. So, I learned to perform and be someone else.

I emerged from childhood equipped to be whatever would earn me the most worth, acceptance and love.

One of the results was studying engineering instead of something I really was interested in. Another result was seeking responsibilities in jobs that were way over-my-head that sometimes led to demotions, and once being fired.

However, I did change when I was 26. I became a new me when I became a Christian. “Therefore, if any [person] is in Christ, [they] are a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). But did new things come? Did I dare to be me?

No, I did not. I continued to strive to earn worth through job success, love through pleasing people, and acceptance by conforming to others’ expectations. I still did not depend on it being okay to be me.

Why?

The power to be me comes from knowing and living in the reality that I will never be rejected. Oh sure, people will reject me from time to time, but never God. “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

In recent years, I have learned more to be me.

God tested me last year when I could have been accepted on a board if I were not me. All I would have to do is to pretend that I subscribed to their approach to helping people grow spiritually.

However, I did not subscribe to their approach. So, I dared to be me and was rejected. I was comforted  by God’s acceptance of me, which I considered to be more important.

But growing in daring to be me is slow business.

This summer I have struggled with being me in the face of low ministry results. To some extent, I still let ministry results dictate my worth. I forget that I am always precious, honored and loved (Isaiah 43:4), even when ministry results scream otherwise.

So, how are you doing in daring to be you?

Two of the biggest reasons we often fail to be ourself is our lifelong training and our pride.

We often have not been trained to regard ourself as fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We have not been trained in regarding ourself as God’s “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Ephesians 2:10). We fail to live in the reality of the uniquely wonderful person that God has made us to be.

And we don’t want to. “What? That sounds crazy,” you may say.

No. We don’t want to admit that we need God to give us our worth, love, and acceptance as gifts. Instead, we have been trained to look to others and things we do to get these needs met by our own efforts (John 12:42-43).

Daring to be ourself requires us to admit our desperate need for God. And we don’t want to do that!

So, we don’t dare be ourself.

Ask God to help you identify an area of your life in which you are not being you. Picture how your life would be different if you dared to be  you in this area.