Journey into Lightl

I sought the girl of my dreams for many years. After all, I was in my twenties and it seemed the proper time to get a wife before all the good ones were taken. Even though deep within me I questioned if I was ready for marriage, I still dated a lot and tried to find the right one.

Then, one day I became a Christian. Shortly after this, I was challenged to give up pursuing girls for two years and to focus on getting to know God. It wasn’t the proper time to focus on dating and marriage.

I considered the challenge and liked the idea. Pursuing relationships with girls had become very frustrating for me because I never seemed to be satisfied with what I got or was scared when I did.

Finally, five years later, I found the girl of my dreams and wanted to get married. But a friend cautioned me, “It’s not the proper time. She’s not ready.”

So, with all the strength I could muster from the Lord, I continued to court her and wait for the proper time.

A few months later, as I was departing for two and one-half months back east to finish a master’s degree, she told me that she most likely would not miss me. She explained that she tended to be an “out of sight, out of mind person.” She felt compelled to tell me this because I had told her several times that I would miss her.

I was devastated. I shot up a quick prayer and reminded the Lord, “This whole courtship thing was your idea. Now, look at the mess you’ve got me into. I can’t go any further in this relationship unless you change her feelings towards me.”

As I drove east, God began answering my prayer in a mighty way (within 5 minutes after I left) to change her feelings and help her realize how much I meant to her. It would be two weeks later before I learned of her change of heart (this was before cell phones and texting).

At last, the wait was over!

It was the proper time for love and eventually marriage! Thirty-seven years of a good marriage later I see clearly why this was the proper time.

How We Know the Proper Time

But how do we know when it’s the proper time for what we want? Why do we often think that NOW is the proper time when it’s not?

Sometimes we know that now is not the proper time because it violates God’s clearly stated command as Saul did when he made an inappropriate sacrifice because he chose not wait for the proper time (1 Samauel 13).

Other times we can know it’s the proper time when we apply biblical principles to our situation. For example, the biblical principle, “Prepare your work outside, and make it ready for yourself in the field; afterwards, then, build your house” (Proverbs 24:27), can be applied to establishing our self in a career before we take on a wife and family.

I applied this verse a few days ago in counseling a man I’m mentoring regarding marriage. I advised him to wait for the proper time because he doesn’t even have a job yet. Besides, he is still getting grounded as a Christian.

A third way we can discover if it’s the proper time is to remember that there is a proper time. Throughout the Bible, God makes it clear that he not only wills certain things for us, but also brings them into our life at the proper time. “There is a time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing” (Ecclesiastes 3:5).

Just because we don’t have the woman of our dreams now, or are not reaping a harvest of blessings, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. God encourages us with “Don’t give up, for I will bless you at the proper time, if you don’t give up” (Galatians 6:9, paraphrased).

How We Keep From Giving Up

One thing we can do is to accept God’s rule in our life. He’s the boss and although we may strongly disagree with him about the proper time, we choose to humble our self under his powerful hand. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time” (1 Peter 5:6).

Another thing we need to know is that often God’s blessings come through a long and challenging process. We need to endure the wait, continue to pursue his promised blessings, and follow him step by step (Luke 8:15).

A third thing that can keep us from giving up is to learn to rest in him. We need to learn to say to God, “The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing” (Psalm 145:15).