Journey into Lightl

Being real with ourselves is not easy. Sometimes, it’s hard to admit our limits and being different from who we want to be.

I spent a good portion of my childhood focused on being who my parents and others wanted me to be. I loved the approval of others rather than being real. They wanted me to make a lot of money, be an engineer with the Caterpillar Tractor Company and to get married, have three kids and live in Illinois.

But that wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t until I got away from home and in the Air Force that I seriously looked at who I was. And then I became more real. But my parents and others didn’t like everything about the real me. Some didn’t like the fact that I became a born-again Christian and in their minds a religious fanatic. Others didn’t like my commitment to honesty, even when dishonesty would work. Still others didn’t like the fact that I wouldn’t put my job as top priority, ahead of God and family. At times, it was painful to be the real me.

Why It’s So Difficult

Being real with ourselves is difficult  because we often fool ourselves about ourselves. The Bible says, “Our hearts are deceitful above all else and are desperately sick, who can understand them?” (Jeremiah 17:9, paraphrased). For example, we may want to be a leader so we ignore the evidence about our weaknesses and over commitment ourselves. Deep within, we tend to distort reality to fit what we want it to be.

Another difficulty is that most of us don’t know ourselves enough to be real.  Because we often see ourselves through the eyes of others, we have denied desires, hopes, and characteristics that don’t meet with others approval. To be real is to discover what we have denied about ourselves, accept who we are, and be real, risking rejection from others.

Finally, our homes, schools, and society have taught us that our real selves are not that special. We are often trained unintentionally to view ourselves as largely inadequate, insignificant, and unlovable. But they are lies! Our real self is precious and greatly loved, just the way it is. God says to us, “You are precious, you are honored and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4). But we have a difficult time accepting these truths about ourselves, which pressures us not to be real.

How to Be Real with Ourselves

Only if we are convinced that God won’t reject us if we are real, will we have the courage to face our real selves. As long as we feel compelled to pretend to be better than we are, will will continue to live in a false self and not be real. But God has accepted us for all time, even though we are flawed (Hebrews 10:14). Understanding his acceptance helps us to be real with ourselves, others, and God.

Godly people are another important way to be real with ourselves. God uses people to overcome our blind spots and to tell us the truth about ourselves. King David refused to accept the truth about himself that he was an adulterer and murderer until Nathan the prophet was used by God to bring the brutal truth home to David, so that he could be real with himself (2 Samuel 12). Our being real with ourselves is helped by regularly fellowshipping with Christians in a small group or one-on-one where they can speak the truth to us in love.

A third way we can become real with ourselves is to meditate on the Scriptures that tell us what God thinks of us. This is who we really are. We are not who we think others think we are (James 1:22-25). By meditating on the Scriptures and depending upon the Holy Spirit’s help, we can realize that:

• God made us unique and wants us to be ourselves (Ephesians 2:10)

• We are very important no matter how little we produce or impress (1 Peter 2:9; John 15:5)

• We are safe in a dangerous world because God watches over us (Psalm 23)

God made us to be ourselves. We will need his help to discover who our real self is. As we do, may we ruthlessly reject pretending to be who we are not. Let’s come out of hiding and live in our true selves that we may be real with ourselves, God, and others.