Archive for the ‘Self- Knowledge’ Category

Most of us don’t feel significant at least some of the time. Much of life undermines our confidence in being important. From the way people treat us to our standards for perfection, we are challenged to feel that we are much more than a small cog in a huge machine.

I have concocted many ways to avoid feeling insignificant. As a college student I studied engineering to gain significance. I didn’t study it because I liked it or thought I would do a good job – But to gain prestige and with it a feeling of significance.

As a middle-aged man I sought promotion in my career to feel significant. I also sought church leadership to feel good about myself, as well as to do some good to those I sought to minister to.

But life doesn’t always make us feel significant. In my case, I often didn’t get the promotions I sought or when I did the problems that came with them made me feel insignificant. I also found church leadership often made me feel over-my-head and insignificant.

I have spent my entire life running away from insignificance. I have spent enormous energy running away from low self-esteem that was developed in my childhood.

So, what are your reasons that you struggle with feeling insignificant?

Why We Feel Insignificant

One reason we struggle with feeling insignificant is that we assume that if people don’t respect us that much, then we are not respectable. We allow others to define our worth. Most of us don’t have a healthy awareness of how much God respects us to counter the mixed messages that we get from how we are treated by others, including church people.

Another reason we feel insignificant is that we often pursue idols to feel important. These would be things like impressing others, our standards for achievement, and being strong. But these things never will make us feel significant in the long run. Attaining these things will never enable us to escape our feelings of insignificance. They are broken cisterns as described in Jeremiah 2:13.

A third reason for our feelings of insignificance is that it makes sense to think of ourselves as insignificant. “What are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?” (Psalm 8:4, NLT). How could we possibly believe that we were significant just using our human reasoning and the facts?

How We Can Feel Significant

So, how do we embrace the reality that we are significant when so many forces are screaming that we aren’t?

First, to escape our feelings of insignificance we need to know that we are significant, right now. We are far more precious to God than we are to anyone else in the world (Isaiah 43:4). Only by stubbornly clinging to this truth can we overcome the avalanche of conflicting massages that bombard us each day.

We also need to drop our bad habit of trying to escape feelings of worthlessness by comparing ourselves to others. We will either develop pride or jealousy as “we measure ourselves by ourselves and are without understanding” (2 Corinthians 10:12, Paraphrased).

A final thought that may help us escape our feelings of insignificance is to ponder the fact that we have been made like God (Genesis 1:27). He has made us to have a love relationship with him. He longs to be intimate with us and to walk with us through life.

Pondering this, I feel more significant already!

Fede e misticismo

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A few days ago, I was motivated to call a Christian leader to encourage him in a difficult ministry that he had. As I thought through what I was going to say, I realized that in addition to trying to encourage him, I wanted him to welcome my counsel, something I didn’t think God wanted me to give. So, I eventually decided, I would write a letter telling him of my prayer support, which would give me less of an opportunity to use him to meet my needs.

This is an example of how subtle and deceptive we really are deep inside. We may do good things for bad reasons. As I began to probe my heart in seminary to find out why I did what I did, I was often shocked at what God revealed. Little did I realize how I had used people to determine what I thought of myself. Also, how I sought the approval of others to feel loved, bypassing the true way to a good self-image and being loved by accepting what God thought of me.

Why Get to Know Our Self Better

So, why get to know our self better? Isn’t that self-centered and egotistical? Wouldn’t it be a better use of our time to get to know God better through increasing our Bible knowledge?

The answer is “No.”

Certainly, knowing more Bible enables us to know more about God and can lead to knowing God better. But so can knowing our self lead to experiencing God in deeper ways.

If we don’t know our self very well, we can do right things for wrong reasons and cling to idols that hinder our growth in experiencing God’s grace and power.

We are great deceivers and the one we fool the most is our self.

Isaiah described the human heart as feeding “on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself or say, ‘Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?’” (Isaiah 44:20). The human heart in Isaiah’s day couldn’t discern how foolish and futile worshipping a block of wood was to success in life!

We often focus on outward behavior in trying to live like Jesus. We often ignore what is going on deep inside of us. And yet, our motives are what God focuses on.

‘“Are you so dull?’ Jesus asked his disciples. ‘Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body (No harm, no foul). But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man sinful. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man sinful; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him sinful” (Matthew 15:16-18, paraphrased).

Getting to know what is going on deep inside of us and what motivates us is critical to cooperating with God in being freed from our bondage to sin.

And one of the biggest sin bondages is our reliance on the collection of idols we use instead of relying on God’s promises for worth, love, and acceptance. Did you know that your reliance on that position of respect to feel important could be an idol?

How to Get to Know Our Self Better

So, how do we get to know our self better?

One thing we do is to look to God to reveal to us who we are and what we rely on. We too easily fool our self and can’t be depended upon to know our self. “The heart is deceitful above all else and is beyond cure, who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

But God can.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). I pray this often to know myself and to be transformed into the person God had in mind when he willed me to exist.

But you may say. “But God may reject me if he knew how sinful I am deep within. I don’t know if I should air my dirty laundry to him.”

But God says, ‘”I already know what is going on deep within you “and never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5), I will love you no matter what you are deep within (Jeremiah 31:3, paraphrased), and you will always be precious to Me, no matter what’” (Isaiah 43:4, paraphrased).

So let’s get to know our self better so that we can cooperate with God in becoming free of our bondages and increasingly live the wonderful life that God has planned for us!

 

 

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I was scared of the facts. I could feel the fear whelming up inside me. I had an appointment with my vascular surgeon later that morning in which he was going to give me the results of a battery of tests that I had been through the prior week. I already knew I had one abdominal aortic aneurism, but did I have any more? Did I have any artery blockages?

Unlike other times in my life, I wanted to face the facts. Although I was still scared, I didn’t want to have an unknown problem that could later kill me without warning. Bad news now was better than living in ignorant bliss. I could at least try to deal with a problem that I knew I had, rather than ignoring the problem out of wishful thinking.

And the facts were good! No new problems. Just a non-invasive procedure to correct the one aneurism next week remains. Hopefully, then, I will be good for another 20,000 miles.

Why We Are Scared of the Facts

We are often scared of the facts because they can make us feel bad. We tend to want to cling to our fantasies that all is well and avoid the pain of reality (Proverbs 14:6).

Sometimes this strategy works well for us. Nothing really bad happens because we refuse to face the facts.

Other times, we can actually die by not facing the facts. My brother almost died three months ago due to an unknown abdominal aneurism. He had no warning it was coming.

Because of his experience, I did have warning and I would have been foolish if I had not been tested for one, since they run in our family.

Why We Should Face the Facts Anyway

Just as we should face the facts about our physical condition, we should also face the facts of our spiritual condition.

But we often don’t want to. We hate to be corrected. We want to hang on to our self-image of being a pretty good person and not needing much change. In fact, we hate change!

But God says, “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening–it’s painful! But afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way” (Hebrews 12:11, NLT).

Facing facts is a major way that we are transformed. When we run from the reality of our sins and false dependencies, we fail to deal with the problems that could kill our souls.

The spiritual sins of idols and false beliefs need to be confronted before they ruin our lives. That is why Paul said, “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

And the facts about us are a mixed bag. On the one hand, we are precious, loved, and special to God all the time. These facts never change although our performance does.

But on the other hand, the facts of what we really depend on to make it through a day can be disturbing to us as we allow the Holy Spirit to reveal them to us.

So, what facts are you scared to face? Are you ready to go to heaven today? Find out if you are by making sure you have depended upon God’s promise in John 1:12, which says, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God.”

Or, are you scared to face the fact that you may be largely wasting your life, not experiencing the intimate love relationship that God offers you? If so, tell the Lord of your desire to face facts and cooperate with him to take steps to experience this powerful, intimate relationship with him.

May we all choose to face the facts and not deceive our self any longer. May we trust God to give us the strength to face the facts, no matter how scared we are (Philippians 4:13).

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Are You Okay?

There was a popular book in the 70’s called,  I’m Okay, You’re Okay. I never read the book but understood the message to be that we needed to accept one another, even if we were different.

But are we okay? This week a magazine did not think my article that sought to correct some misconceptions they had about spiritual formation was okay. I felt that they not only did not think that my article was okay, but also felt like they didn’t think I was okay.

Later in the week I failed to meet my performance standards in an area of weakness. I did not feel that I was okay as I was going through the experience.

However, in each instance I turned to God and thanked him that I was okay to him. I thanked him that “He has perfected [me] for all time” (Hebrews 10:14).

So, even when others or myself did not think I was okay, I turned to God to get my acceptance.

Then, why do so many of us fail to regard ourselves as okay?

One reason is that we believe that we need to meet the standards of others or ourselves to be okay. It is a rat race in which our being okay is on the line every day. We think that we are only okay if others or ourselves regard us as okay. We fail to rely on God’s acceptance of us as a gift of salvation.

Another reason we doubt that we are okay is our pride. We would rather earn being okay rather than accept it as a gift. Being okay to God is not good enough for us. We have to be okay to everybody–which is impossible without driving ourselves crazy.

A third reason that we question if we are okay is that we have been programmed all our lives to get our acceptance from others and ourselves. We have not been trained to look to God. And yet this is the only reliable place to go to be okay.

Then, how do we live in the reality that we are okay–not necessarily to others or ourselves, but to God?

How do we accept the fact that only God’s viewpoint counts?

How do we live in the reality that we are not only okay to get into heaven, but also okay to boldly and confidently enter his presence at anytime (Ephesians 3:12)?

One thing we can do is to deeply understand the full meaning of the Christmas story for Christians. Jesus’ birth, life, death and resurrection not only made us okay for heaven, but also okay in the face of rejection from others and ourselves.

A second thing we can do is to reject the old ways we regarded ourselves as okay-meeting others and our standards. “So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view” (2 Corinthians 5:16, NIV).

Instead, we ask God to help us believe that “we are accepted in the beloved”  (Ephesians 1:6, KJV). We are okay because God thinks we are okay!

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I am currently having published a book I have written called Transforming Love. In the book I indicate that none of us were raised in a perfect environment of unconditional love, acceptance and worth. In addition, we have an old nature that often misinterprets and disregards receiving love and worth as free gifts from first our parents and later from God.

Because these needs were so important to us as children, we devised many strategies to earn love and worth because we couldn’t depend on having these needs met by our parents by just being  “little old me.”

Recently, the editor of my book objected to the bold statement I made that we all have devised false ways to be important and be loved that leave God out of our lives. He thought that I was projecting my experience onto others. He implied that some of us have few, if any, false ways to be loved and important.

Certainly he would agree that if we have come from a dysfunctional home, we probably have devised many false ways to get our needs met. These false ways will hinder us from accepting God’s love and worth as gifts.

However, even those of us who have been raised in loving homes struggle to receive God’s love and worth as gifts. Our nature is to work for love and worth. Maybe we do not struggle as much as others, but we still struggle.

For example, my wife grew up in a loving Christian home. She felt loved, accepted, and approved of to a large extent by both her parents and later God.

Yet, her parents’ and God’s approval were not enough for her. She needed more. She also believed that she needed the approval of others to deeply believe that she was loved and accepted.

As a result she became overly dependent on making people happy with her- even if it resulted in disobeying God. Eventually, she became so stressed about trying to get approval from so many people, she chose to learn to rest in God’s unchanging approval, no matter what others thought.

We often have a hard time recognizing our false dependencies. When I went to seminary and began to dig deep within myself through the leading of the Spirit, I was shocked!

I became convicted that I was often doing my own thing for God, largely in my power, for my glory much of the time.

Only the Spirit can reveal this stuff to us. Too often we think we are doing pretty good because we measure ourselves by ourselves and are without understanding (2 Corinthians 10:12). But only God can cut through our defenses and reveal what we are really like deep within. “The heart is deceitful above all else and is desperately sick, who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Why in our right minds would we want to know our hearts? It sounds like it could result in a lot of bad news. Wouldn’t it be better to deceive ourselves into being good moralists that try to follow biblical principles in our own strength?

The biggest reason to know the truth about ourselves is that it can open us up to receive the grace of God in our lives. “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). We can then better experience an intimate love relationship with God and receive the power to live the Christian life.

Jesus says “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32). When we stay dependent on getting promotions, receiving people’s approval at all cost, and protecting a false image of ourselves, we are not free. We are not depending on God to meet our needs to be loved and important.

I challenge you to ask God today to reveal any false way that you are using to regard yourself as loved and important. Ask God to show you any person or thing you depend on for importance and love instead of what God has provided you to show his love and value for you. What did he say?

 

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I was talking to a friend the other day and asked him to imagine how his life would be different if he believed that he was always important. He immediately responded and said that he would be more of a risk-taker. He would be more honest with himself about the condition of his business and be willing to fail in trying to grow it.

You see my friend did not view himself as always being important. He felt that his worth was on the line everyday. He was not living in the reality that he will never be more or less important than he is today (Isaiah 43:4).

He is like a lot of us Christians. We are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession” (1 Peter 2:9), and yet we live like we still need to prove ourselves everyday. Can we imagine how our lives could be different if we saw ourselves the way God sees us?

If we were to imagine it, here are some examples of how our lives could be different:

  • We could better stand up to bullies knowing that they can’t lay a glove on us as to our worth.
  • We would have much less fear in our lives living in the presence of God’s loving gaze.
  • We would be free to fail knowing that our worth will never decrease.
  • We would be free to lose control knowing that he is carefully watching out for us.

Yet, most of us live like paupers when we could live like royalty. We refuse to see ourselves as God sees us. Why is this so?

There are several reasons. May I suggest three:

One is that we have failed to reckon that a lot more changed at salvation than just going to heaven someday. God also gave us the challenge of seeing ourselves as having great worth and being deeply loved. It is ours for the living. But most of us won’t live it. We are lazy. It takes too much work to see ourselves differently.

We are also afraid. This business of never losing worth no matter how many times we fail seems too “pie in the sky.” It is scary. So, we refuse to follow God into the Promised Land and fight the giants that resist our living like royalty.

A third reason is that we are fooled. “There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12). We think that our collection of idols will do a better job of making us feel loved and important than accepting God’s gift of love and worth. The great Deceiver has fooled us along with the rest of the world (Revelations 12:9).

So, if we do not want to be like the rest of the world, how can we better see ourselves as God sees us? One thing we can do is to start with a vision. “Without a vision the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). We can be motivated to seek living in this reality, as we can imagine it. Imagining and then living in the reality of always being loved, valued, and accepted will change the way we do life.

Another thing we can do is to wage war over the habits and spiritual forces that hold us in bondage to our low self-esteem. We are royalty! We need to live that way.

We need to ask God to take away our self-image that needs to succeed and always be approved of. We then need to ask him to replace it with living in the reality of always being loved, special and forever accepted. “If by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Romans 8:13).

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Dare to Be You!

I was trained as a child not to be me.

Being me did not seem to meet by needs as well as being who my parents wanted me to be. So, I learned to perform and be someone else.

I emerged from childhood equipped to be whatever would earn me the most worth, acceptance and love.

One of the results was studying engineering instead of something I really was interested in. Another result was seeking responsibilities in jobs that were way over-my-head that sometimes led to demotions, and once being fired.

However, I did change when I was 26. I became a new me when I became a Christian. “Therefore, if any [person] is in Christ, [they] are a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). But did new things come? Did I dare to be me?

No, I did not. I continued to strive to earn worth through job success, love through pleasing people, and acceptance by conforming to others’ expectations. I still did not depend on it being okay to be me.

Why?

The power to be me comes from knowing and living in the reality that I will never be rejected. Oh sure, people will reject me from time to time, but never God. “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

In recent years, I have learned more to be me.

God tested me last year when I could have been accepted on a board if I were not me. All I would have to do is to pretend that I subscribed to their approach to helping people grow spiritually.

However, I did not subscribe to their approach. So, I dared to be me and was rejected. I was comforted  by God’s acceptance of me, which I considered to be more important.

But growing in daring to be me is slow business.

This summer I have struggled with being me in the face of low ministry results. To some extent, I still let ministry results dictate my worth. I forget that I am always precious, honored and loved (Isaiah 43:4), even when ministry results scream otherwise.

So, how are you doing in daring to be you?

Two of the biggest reasons we often fail to be ourself is our lifelong training and our pride.

We often have not been trained to regard ourself as fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We have not been trained in regarding ourself as God’s “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Ephesians 2:10). We fail to live in the reality of the uniquely wonderful person that God has made us to be.

And we don’t want to. “What? That sounds crazy,” you may say.

No. We don’t want to admit that we need God to give us our worth, love, and acceptance as gifts. Instead, we have been trained to look to others and things we do to get these needs met by our own efforts (John 12:42-43).

Daring to be ourself requires us to admit our desperate need for God. And we don’t want to do that!

So, we don’t dare be ourself.

Ask God to help you identify an area of your life in which you are not being you. Picture how your life would be different if you dared to be  you in this area.

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