The Courage to Face Rejection

January 11, 2016 by journeyintolight

We all have been rejected for one reason or another. it’s painful isn’t it! Probably the greatest fear I had from childhood was the fear of being rejected. I learned early how bad it felt to be rejected. Why does it hurt so much?

In my case, I believed the lie that I was what people thought I was. If they thought I was a dud, I was a dud. If they thought I was something special, I was something special.

But in recent years, I’ve learned that I will never be rejected- by God anyway. He says to me, “I will never reject you” (Hebrews 13:5). But people can still reject me – but, whose opinion counts the most? I am learning that God’s acceptance of me trumps people’s rejection.

But do people really reject us? Are they even capable of rendering an accurate assessment of us? The answer is no.

Recently, I have been trying to start a small group with people at my new church in which I am not well-known.  I have had four or five refusals so far and only one acceptance. I feel rejected. I feel like they don’t respect me, and I feel challenged to believe that I have a lot to offer- even though God has used me extensively in this ministry for many years. Nevertheless, I feel like quitting sometimes and not putting myself out there to be rejected. But I would be disobeying the Lord if I did.

Why Rejection Is Hurtful

We want to feel accepted and respected. Therefore, it hurts when it seems like we’re not. The truth is, as God’s children, we have nothing to worry about. God has accepted and respected us for all time (Hebrews 10:14).

But we don’t believe this. It doesn’t make sense to our worldly minds. If we aren’t accepted by our peer group, we aren’t acceptable. If we aren’t highly respected by our church, we aren’t highly respected. People become the determiners of our worth – and that is dangerous because it’s a lie.

Many of us fear the opinions of people more than the opinion of God. God warns us that this is not good when he says to us, “The fear of man brings about a snare” (Proverbs 29:25). Certainly God uses the respect and acceptance of people to help us realize how much he accepts us- but not as a substitute for depending on his acceptance.

Because the old thinking is still a part of our lives, we can feel devastated when people reject our offers to serve, befriend, or lead. We believe the old thinking that their approval is necessary for our importance.

How to Face It

When facing rejection, it helps to realize that we will never be rejected.  We can have our qualifications rejected by people, but we are always accepted and special to God (1 Peter 2:9).

When we are hurting, we need to identify the lies that we are believing. In my case, is it true that leading a small group is necessary for fulfilling my calling of helping people connect to God in deeper ways? Or is it true that if I don’t lead a small group I’m not doing important work? Or is it true that if God does not use me to lead a small group now, that he never will? I have identified all three of these beliefs as lies.

A final thought about how to have the courage to face rejection is to focus on doing God’s will. If we discern that he wants us to start a small group, take on a new responsibility at work or cut back on activities outside the home to focus on the family, we need to do it. You may say, “But I will be rejected by people who are important to me. People who I look to to tell me who I am.”

But comfort is not our goal. “Well done, good and faithful servant” is. Rejection hurts. But God says, “Rejection will hurt for awhile, but your obedience to Me is producing for you an eternal reward far greater than the cost of rejection” (2 Corinthians 4:17, paraphrased).

 

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Facing the Pain

January 1, 2016 by journeyintolight

Nobody likes pain. It’s amazing to what great lengths we go to avoid pain. Diets that promise that we won’t suffer, pain-killers that kill the pain but ignore the root problem, and various anti-aging creams that promise to shield us from the pain of losing our looks. But is it wise to avoid pain? Do we lose out in the long-run by running away from the cause of our pain?

I experienced considerable pain in my childhood home. Pain from low self-esteem, fears, and hurts. I ran from the pain by ignoring it, compensating for it, and staying busy. I finally began to face this pain head-on when I was forty when the feelings began to boil over. I know a person who has a drinking problem. She is using alcohol to run from her pain. Until she is ready to face the deep pains within, she will continue to struggle with the temptation to anesthetize herself through alcohol.

Before we discuss some good ways to deal with our pain, let’s discuss what’s not helpful.

What’s Not Helpful

Pain is often used by God to get our attention that something is wrong. “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word” (Psalm 119:67). To run from pain is to often miss developing a long-term solution to our problems.

Sometimes it’s wise to delay facing the problem. Running from my childhood hurts was probably the wise thing for me to do until I had more maturity and resources to face them. Running from a toothache by taking Motrin is wise until we can get to a dentist and deal with the source of the problem.

But if we continue to run, it’s often not helpful. Alcohol, drugs, pain-killers, and idols are all ways we can use to avoid facing our pain. Pursuing anyone of them creates an even greater pain in the long-run. For example, many of us run away from the pain of low self-esteem. So, we compensate for it by pursuing the idols of achievements and the approval of others. This often drives us to overload and the fear of not measuring up–both situations can create considerable pain. It would have been better to face the original pain of low self-esteem and apply God’s solution to it–his gift of worth to each of us. “You are precious, you are honored, and I love you” (Isaiah 43:4, paraphrased). Notice the preciousness we get from God is not conditional; we are always precious to him. It’s because we don’t believe this that we have the pain of low self-esteem.

What’s Helpful

What’s most helpful in facing pain is getting to the root cause. This may need God’s help. We can pray, “Search me Oh God, try me and know my anxious thoughts…and lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139: 23,24).

Facing the root cause of the pain can be tricky. Several years ago I had a toothache and went to the dentist. Before the pain went away, I had to have four root canals and a tooth pulled–and it still didn’t stop the pain. Finally, I discovered that the source of the pain was stress. In treating the stress, the pain went away in three months after I had chased after a dental solution for over a year. This is an example of the value of defining the source of the pain.

A final thought regarding facing the pain. God promises to help us face our pain. We run often because we are afraid-afraid that we will be overwhelmed by the pain. But God promises otherwise. God says, “I am faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Let’s not drown our pain in pain-killers, idols, and alcohol. Relying on God’s promised help, may we face the root causes courageously. The pain is God’s call to action as we can expect God to restore, strengthen, and establish us through facing the pain (1 Peter 5:10).

 

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Weapons of War

December 16, 2015 by journeyintolight

Most of us rely on the reality that there is a devil and that he causes bad things to happen. When we see tragedies like the massacre that unfolded in San Bernardino recently, we know there must be an evil being behind it. But can we also see the subtle ways that Satan works to rob, steal, and destroy our lives (John 10:10)?

Often his primary tactic is to get us to believe lies. For example, he has many of us believing that what we do is not important. Worse yet, he tries to get us to believe we’re not important. But those are lies! God tells us repeatedly that we are precious and what we do is important (Isaiah 43:4; 1 Corinthians 15:58). Yet, because of Satan’s works deep within our hearts, we often refuse to let go of the lies and embrace the truth that we are always important to God, no matter what others think.

So what weapons has God given us to combat the attacks of the Evil One? How can we stand strong in the spiritual battle that we are all in every day? Ephesians 6 describes what the full armor of God is that he has provided us to stand strong in the spiritual war. Four of the most important are the following:

Be Alert

One of our most important weapons is alertness. Satan seeks to hide his presence and evil workings from us. We need to look beyond people and to the hidden war that God is locked in with Satan. Although God is infinitely more powerful than Satan, if we choose to believe lies, we will continue to be ensnared in Satan’s power. As we set ourselves on the new life that we have been given by God, we need to stay alert to the ways that Satan tries to sabotage this.

Practice Truth

Knowing and applying truth will set us free from Satan’s bondage. But only if it’s relied on. For example, the truth is that God loves us. But if we don’t deeply rely on this, we can fall prey to seeking approval from others and meeting man-made standards of performance to feel loved.  This often leads us astray to disobedience to God. Disobedience cuts us off from God’s power. Thus, the power to win the battles comes from practicing truth (James 1:22).

Rely on the Spirit

It’s amazing how many of us try to live the Christian life without Christ. Even though God is all powerful, he will not put to flight Satan if we don’t rely on him through his Spirit. But somehow we get fooled into thinking that if we just know God’s will, we will do it. But we can’t. Our flesh trips us up every time. It’s still true today that it’s “not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit” that we stand and move forward in the face of Satan’s blistering attacks (Zechariah 4:6, paraphrased).

Pray

A final weapon to emphasize is prayer. Prayer is probably the most important weapon, although they all need to be used. Prayer connects us to God, for the battle is his. Satan is like a roaring lion seeking to devour us (1 Peter 5:8). We don’t stand a chance against his schemes unless God is protecting and empowering us.  That’s why God says to us, “Pray on all occasions for all Christians for I will do much good through your prayers (Ephesians 6:18; James 5:16, paraphrased).

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The Power to Live

December 1, 2015 by journeyintolight

A few years ago I was listening to a pastor teach on the role of the Holy Spirit and how he helped us live the Christian life. The pastor taught that the Holy Spirit teaches, comforts, and convicts of sin. I thought to myself, “This is great! Now for the punch line – that he provides the power to live the Christian life”

But the punch line never came. He didn’t teach that the Holy Spirit provides the power to live the Christian life even though it’s a clear teaching of Scripture (Romans 8:13).

How did this happen? How can a respected and knowledgeable teacher of the Word of God miss teaching this important truth? Was it an oversight? Or was there something more going on here?

What could be going on here is that we Protestants have been strong in teaching that the Bible is our authority for life and godliness. We have also tended to emphasize the importance of evangelism. Where we have been weak is in focusing on sanctification. This is the process of how we cooperate with God in growing spiritually and living the powerful life that we have been called to.

Why We Often Lack The Power

One of the reasons we lack the power to live is that we try to grind it out in our own strength. For example, the battle cry for me in the past has been “Give me the biblical principles and I’ll do them.” But sadly I learned that I couldn’t. Having begun by depending on God, I was trying to grow and serve by my own fortitude (Galatians 3:3). We don’t let the Spirit lead, but instead try to muscle our way towards living and serving God.

We also don’t obey – and then we get mad because God’s power seems to be missing from our lives. We don’t seem to realize that the Holy Spirit in us is a Person and can be grieved and quenched when he is disobeyed. And without his presence we can’t accomplish anything that will stand the test of time (John 15:5).

Probably the most tragic reason for our lack of power is to know the truth without relying on it. We think that because we know God totally accepts us that we will be able to cope with rejection by others or ourselves. But how many of us worry more about what people think of us than what God does? And when we don’t depend on his perspective, he withdraws his power from our lives (Hebrews 11:6).

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Living By This Power

We live in this power by keeping in step with the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives (Galatians 5:25). We need to develop sensitivity to his guidance. One of the key ways I discern the way to go is through experiencing peace, relying on God’s promise that “In all my ways I will give you peace” (Proverbs 3:17, paraphrased).

Another way we live by this power is to shed the lies that control us and embrace the truths. For example, it’s a lie that we aren’t important and don’t have major purposes in life. The truth is that “we are continually being made more like God in character and have specific purposes that he has made us to accomplish” (Ephesians 2:10, paraphrased). By shedding the lies and embracing the truths, he empowers us to change and accomplish the supernatural tasks that he has planned for us.

 

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Go Where God is Working

November 19, 2015 by journeyintolight

Henry Blackaby said in his book Experiencing God that we needed to determine where God was working and then get involved as he led. That made sense to my wife and I, and so we applied it a few years ago to what church we joined.

We checked out several churches in our area that were solid in their biblical teachings. But one stood out as having the evidence of God doing a special work there. That was the main reason we chose this church. We wanted to be involved in what God was doing in his world.

Seeking World Peace

Why Go Where God Is Working?

Wouldn’t it be more important to go where we felt the most comfortable, the best taught, or the most needed?

The answer for us was no.

A church can do nothing without the Holy Spirit (John 15:5). A church can teach good doctrine, have good people, and be doing good in the community and still be an unhealthy church. If the church has grieved or quenched the Holy Spirit, it could be a dying or a dead church, no matter how much Bible the people know.

The sad truth is that God can and does withdraw his Spirit from churches (Revelations 2:4). He may not due it entirely, but he doesn’t work where he is not welcomed. Just as we can grieve and quench the Holy Spirit as individuals through disobedience (Ephesians 4:30; 1 Thessalonians 5:19), so can churches. We would rather have minor roles in a church that is alive than to be leaders in a church where God is grieved (Psalm 84:10).

Final Thoughts

God’s Great Commission to us is to go and make disciples as he leads and empowers (Matthew 28:18-20). He invites us to join him in his work in deepening and expanding his church. May we look for where God is doing this and get involved.

 

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Responding to Pain

November 10, 2015 by journeyintolight

I like life to be comfortable. Therefore, I hate pain, especially the chronic kind. So, I have struggled the last nine months over having chronic pain.

But life’s not supposed to be this way! What’s wrong?

Probably nothing. The Bible teaches that pain and trouble will always be a major part of our lives (John 16:33). The real question is how do we respond to pain and difficulties when they happen?

Climbing a mountain

A hard truth that we need to face is that God is more interested in our godliness than in our comfort (Philippians 3:8). I have known this truth for many years – and for many years I have not fully accepted it. Yet, his chipping away at my independence is relentless and a fulfillment of his promised intention to see Christ formed in me.

But I want comfort! However, Paul considered comfort rubbish compared to being like Jesus.

Another aid to enduring difficulties is that God promises to bring good out of them. “I cause all things to work together for good for you” (Romans 8:28, paraphrased).

But I often don’t believe this because I don’t understand how this miserable pain could cause a good. But God says, “Trust Me and don’t rely on trying to understand how I will make your pain work a net good for you” (Proverbs 3:5-6, paraphrased).

A final thought about how to respond to pain in a godly way is remember that God walks with us through the difficulties. He helps us get through them. As I reflect on how he has worked to help me through painful times, I am amazed I was able to endure. These include three years of near constant neck pain and one year of 4 root canals and a tooth extraction. But he got me through them as he promised he would (Philippians 4:13).

So, cheer up! Our pain is to help us become godlier (James 1:2-3), May we set our minds on what God is doing and not get buried in our painful self-centeredness (Colossians 3:2).

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Why a Quiet Time Is Important

October 27, 2015 by journeyintolight

Billy Graham was once asked what practice had helped him the most in his spiritual life. He replied that a daily quiet time was the most important for him. I agree with him. The spiritual discipline of a morning quiet time has been vital to my growth and stability as a Christian.

What A Quiet Time Is

Chair on Dock at Alice Lake in Late Afternoon

A quiet time is an appointment with God to talk with him and to listen to him. It’s a time to build a relationship with him. It’s a time to ask and receive insight, guidance, understanding, and power from him to face the challenges of the day. It is also a time we give him praise and thanks for who he is and what he has done for us.

A quiet time is organic and flexible, subject to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I leave it to God to impress upon me who to pray for and what to pray for them. I depend on God to illuminate the Scriptures and make them living and active in speaking to me his thoughts.

Something I started doing a few years ago was to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what was going on in my heart. I have discovered a lot of beliefs and feelings I never knew I had because of my capacity to repress and ignore my thoughts and attitudes to the events of life. This awareness is helping me to deal with my false ways deep within.

I also look to the quiet time for God to encourage and inspire me. A devotional I am using called Jesus Calling often is used by God to speak to a deep need I have.

Why A Quiet Time Is Important

First, a quiet time is important because Jesus considered it important. Often he would rise before anyone else and go out to a lonely place and pray (Mark 1:35). If the God/Man Jesus needed to pray, certainly we do too.

Another reason to have a quiet time is to gain God’s perspective on life. If we are not careful, we can become conformed to the world as we do our jobs, listen to the news and engage in the conversations around us.

Recently, I learned that the church didn’t need me to lead a particular group because they already had enough leaders. At first, I felt rejected and depressed. But then I asked God to give me his perspective on the situation and he impressed upon me that he was pleased that I had volunteered. This perspective lifted my spirit.

Another reason to spend time with God is to help us grow in trusting him to run the world. Spending time with God helps me realize that I’m not God. I don’t have to earn importance, love and being okay. He has already completely given me these things, which I’m better able to grasp through a quiet time.

Another reason to have a daily quiet time is to escape the burden of problems and worries. He wants to take them off our hands. As we cast them on him and grow in trusting him to take care of them, we experience peace of mind. Wow! What a benefit.

A final reason to spend time with God in daily quiet times is to show God that he comes first. He wants to be first and when we give the best part of our day to our relationship with him, we are demonstrating that we are seeking “first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).

I hope you will develop the habit of a daily quiet time with God. He is pleased when we do, not to earn favor with him, but to receive his gifts for spiritual growth and the challenges of life (2 Peter 1:3).

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Why Dark Nights of the Soul?

September 26, 2015 by journeyintolight

You may have heard of the expression, “The Dark Night of the Soul.” It sounds scary. But what does it mean?

The Dark Night is basically a withdrawal of some of God’s blessings so that we will cling to him more. It is painful to let go of good things so that we will depend on something better.

Let me explain by giving you an example from my life. To some extent, much of the last three years have been a Dark Night experience for me. In that time, I lost my church family of 31 years where I was loved and respected, I lost my health for over a year in recovering from major heart surgery, and I lost having positions of leadership.

God had used this loving community, leadership positions, and good health to help me realize that he loved me, I was important to him, and that I was secure. Now, he wanted me to believe these things were true without the props.

But in the short run, my soul went through a Dark Night. In that time, I grew stronger in relying on who I was to God, and not so much on what other people and things told me.

A silhouette of man free climbing on rock, mountain at sunset. Adrenaline, bravery, leader.

What It Is

One of the key things God does in bringing us to maturity is to remove the idols from our heart. Idols are anything we depend on other than God to meet our needs. For some of us, it’s food instead of God’s comfort. For others, it’s power instead of the worth that comes from being God’s precious child. And for others, it’s pleasing people instead of pleasing God. You name it and someone has probably made it an idol.

We will tend to tenaciously cling to food, power, and pleasing people at all cost, until God pries them from our clutching fingers through Dark Nights. It’s then that our hurting soul discovers that even though we don’t have these things anymore, we still have God and his better ways to meet those needs.

Why God Allows Them

Most of us want this Christian life to be comfortable. There are often a lot of benefits in following God, such as improved marriages, better health and some of the nicest people on the planet to be with. But God wants us to grow up. He wants us to love him for himself, and not just for his benefits.

In the Dark Night, we lose many of the idols that keep us from relying on him. We realize that all our efforts at earning praise, being liked, and being comfortable don’t work well enough. We are learning to “cease striving and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). And that is enough to satisfy us.

In the Dark Night, we are being disciplined (trained) by God to find our needs for love, power, and purpose met in a more intimate love relationship with him. We realize that “no discipline is enjoyable while it is happening–it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way” (Hebrews 12:11, NLT).

 

 

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The Secret of a Happy Marriage

September 12, 2015 by journeyintolight

Wrong Ideas

I have always wanted to be happily married. But as I searched for the “perfect” wife, I had many wrong ideas about what a happy marriage was and how to have one. Two of the biggest wrong ideas were:

  • My wife would solve all my big problems and make me happy
  • Marriage was a getting thing, not a giving thing

Fortunately, I got these wrong ideas corrected before I got married at age 32. This has helped us enjoy a happy marriage for the past 38 years.

Kehoe's

The Secret of a Happy Marriage

Probably the most important secret is that the deepest, most satisfying marriages stem from God empowering the relationship. Marriage is God’s idea and he has purposes for it that go beyond our enjoyment. He also is giving a picture to the world of the intimate love relationship that he yearns to have with each of us. He gives us our marriages not just for our pleasure, but also for his ministry to others.

Another secret of a happy marriage is for us husbands to love our wives as God loves us. “What? I can’t do that,” you may say. “That means I need to put her needs ahead of my own and nurture and cherish her” (Ephesians 5:29, paraphrased). But no one said that being happily married was going to be easy- even with God’s help.

Another secret of a happy marriage is that wives need to submit to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24). “Are you crazy? He will walk all over me if I do that,” you may say. But God says, “You wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words” (1 Peter 3:1, NLT).

This doesn’t mean that you wives are to be squashed or dishonored, for God commands that husbands honor their wives and to seek what is best for them.

“But what happens if my husband doesn’t love me as he is supposed to?” you may ask. “Aren’t I free to rebel against him?” No, you aren’t, unless your safety or obedience to God is threatened.

Instead, God wants us to overcome evil with good and to “suffer according to the will of God and entrust ourselves to a faithful Creator in doing what is right” (1 Peter 4:19).

This also applies to us husbands when our wives are rebellious. We are still to love them and to treat them with dignity and respect.

Final Thoughts

Satan hates godly marriages. This is probably why marriages are in such bad shape these days. We can’t have a godly and happy marriage without God’s protection from the One who comes to steal, kill and destroy. May we learn to rely on God to help us fulfill our responsibilities so that we can have a deep, satisfying, and happy marriage that God can use to bring much praise to himself.

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Equipped for War

September 7, 2015 by journeyintolight

Last week we talked about the vicious war that we are in. It was not with ISIS. It was not a racial war. It was a spiritual war for where people live after they die.

We are all soldiers and fight for one of two sides. Many of us unknowingly fight for Satan. We conform to the ways of the world. A few of us have the privilege of fighting with God in a giant rescue operation to save people from their appointed destiny (Hebrews 9:27).

This time we will discuss what weapons we need to fight with and win this spiritual war – that people may “come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will” (2 Timothy 2:26).

team of soldiers are reconnaissance

Being Equipped to Win

Our most important weapon is prayer. Prayer connects us to God. Only his power can defeat our enemy. “The effective prayer of a righteous [person] can accomplish much” (James 5:16).

Another important weapon is to be filled with the Spirit. “How do you do that?” you may ask. Ask confidently to be filled, for God commands us to be filled with the Spirit and obey him as he leads. If he convicts you of sin, ask forgiveness and keep on obeying (1 John 1:9).

Another important weapon is our new identity in Christ. “The old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). We don’t need to be led astray by trying to please the wrong people, earn worth by not doing what God wants us to do, and trying to meet standards that waste our energy. Living in our new identity means resting in God’s great love, acceptance and worth he has for us. This frees us to avoid the traps that Satan lays for us.

A final weapon that we need to use to be victorious is the Bible. The truth of the Bible frees us from the lies that can dominate our lives – lies like “I am what other people think I am,” and “I will be more important if I get promoted.” These are lies and are exposed to us as we learn to live in the truth of the Bible.

The Bible is also an offensive weapon. “For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword… and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). As the Spirit leads, he often takes the Word that we share and supernaturally uses it to convince people that they need God.

Closing Thought

Jesus’ final command to his disciples was to equip others to be good soldiers (Matthew 28:18-20). May we not only use the weapons of war for ourselves, but also to teach others how to use them.

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