I often get a chill down my spine when I am about to get some constructive criticism. I know it’s good for me, but I still fear it.
Recently, I have asked several friends and colleagues to give me some honest feedback on a draft book I have written. I asked them to tell me what they liked about the book and what they didn’t. I also asked them how they would make the book better. I did this because I know it’s wise to seek advice from many respected counselors. But I feel dread that they won’t like it and I’ll have to do a major rewrite.
I am comforted when I think of what happened to Harper Lee, who wrote the Pulitzer – prizing winning novel, To Kill a Mockingbird. Her publisher made many constructive criticisms to her first draft. Instead of being discouraged by the criticism, she incorporated the changes and created the award-winning book that became the story for the first-class movie by the same name.
This dislike of criticism often affects leaders. Good leaders will hire around their weaknesses, not their strengths. But many leaders won’t do that. One of the reasons is that they like people who reinforce their biases and ways of doing business. They don’t like constructive criticism, even when it leads to better results in the long-run.
I once had a boss that hired me because I was strong in ethics, which he considered a weakness of his. We sometimes disagreed on what the ethical action was during the five years I worked for him, but he seemed to respect my positions and hopefully this helped his ethics. Many years after I quit working for him, he was sent to prison for unethical behavior. I still wonder if he would have gone to prison if I had remained in his employment and been allowed to constructively criticize his ethics when appropriate.
Why We Often Hate Constructive Criticism
Many of us hang onto a fragile sense of worth. We believe that we are important if people agree with us, respect us, or are impressed with our achievements. Constructive criticism can punch holes in our illusions that we are important because we are great or are beyond improvement. As a result, we sometimes avoid receiving honest feedback, which is stupid (Proverbs 12:1). We fail to accept the truth that our worth is great and unchangeable and does not depend on being impressive.
Another reason we hate constructive criticism is that it hurts. We are short-sighted and evaluate the criticism by how it makes us feel now, not the good that will come from it in the future (Hebrews 12:11).
A third reason we hate criticism is that sometimes it’s not constructive. It’s false and destructive. We need to evaluate the credibility of the person who is providing us with the criticism to help us determine if it’s constructive.
A fourth reason we hate constructive criticism is that we don’t want to improve. We would rather stay in the status quo and live lies, than to accept the painful reality of the criticism and grow. Recently my wife commented that I wouldn’t snore as much if I would lose a few pounds. I resented her constructive criticism. I wanted to fool myself into thinking I didn’t need to lose weight so that I wouldn’t have to make painful changes in my diet and exercise.
How We Should Respond to Constructive Criticism
Our first response to constructive criticism should be to expect it. God tells us that he is training us to improve in whatever we do as a way of life (Proverbs 6:23). Our seventy or eighty years on earth are not to demonstrate our god-like qualities or skills, but to grow more like him in our attitudes, actions, and power. He often uses constructive criticism to grow us.
But isn’t this criticism going to tear down our self-esteem? No, if we’re anchored in seeing ourselves as God sees us, a child he dearly loves and respects. We can then remain secure in our worth even when we are brought face-to-face with the need to improve.
When we cling to the need to earn worth through achievements or to go a certain direction, we can view constructive criticism as a threat. But when we rest in who we are to God (already precious) and going God’s way the best way to go (Matthew 6:33), we can better receive God’s instructions through the criticism.
As I have received some criticism lately, what criticism have you received? May we take our criticisms to God in prayer and ask him if they’re constructive. If they are, let’s ask him for the desire and strength to follow his path to growth.