Most of us want to be a Somebody. If feels good when others look up to us and show us respect. It reassures us that we are important, loved, and accepted. However, others of us seek being a Somebody through doing a significant work to help people, even though few notice.

I have sought to be a Somebody since my teen years. Not so much to be famous or rich but to accomplish something that would be a benefit to mankind. I pursued that dream of being a Somebody by providing some leadership to developing the Minuteman Missile Program, thus playing a small part in helping win the Cold War. I also sought the dream of being a Somebody in providing leadership to a church that God would use to transform many lives. That didn’t seem to happen but I trust my efforts weren’t wasted. And in the last few years I have pursued the dream of being a Somebody by seeking to bring a deeper spirituality to the national church through a book, blogging, and teaching what I learned in seminary. This also has been disappointing, but I’m trusting that a few lives have been deepened through my efforts.

Did these pursuits make me a Somebody? No. Even if the results had been better these efforts would not have made me a Somebody. What I’m learning is that what makes me a Somebody is being important to God. Being a Somebody to people will never be as great. Yet, most of us never get beyond the rat race of trying to be a Somebody in the eyes of people.

Why Be a Nobody?

Being a nobody in the eyes of people helps us seek importance from God. We can be deceived by our busyness, titles, and reputation to regard ourselves as a Somebody through our own efforts, instead of depending on God to make us a Somebody. This often leads us to try to be a Somebody to people by gaining power, fame, and fortune. But God says to us, “But if you long for these things, you will be trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that will plunge you into ruin and destruction” (1 Timothy 6:9, paraphrased).

Accepting being a Nobody in the eyes of people, frees us more to pursue godliness, loving others, and growing in our faith (1 Timothy 6:11). We will be seeking to please the One to whom we are a Somebody.

Being a Nobody to the world helps us to develop our humility. We depend more on God’s grace to be a Somebody rather than on our achievements.

A final benefit in being a Nobody to others is that it helps us to focus on doing God’s will, not what will increase our reputation to people. How well we follow God’s will is the standard God will use to judge our works, not how much others respect us.

How to Be Content Being a Nobody

So then how do we live contently doing our little thing in a world of feverish activity driven by the desire to be Somebody? Moses looked ahead to the joys of heaven as “he chose ill-treatment with the people of God rather than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin” (Hebrews 11:25, NASB). He gave up being a Somebody to people to be a Somebody in heaven.

Or we can avoid comparing the glory others receive from people to our own. We don’t want to measure ourselves by ourselves and show we don’t understand that God uniquely created each of us for specific good works. Some of those good works make us Somebodies to others but most of them are unnoticed or undervalued and make us Nobodies to most people.

Finally, this war belongs to God. Only his power will win it. He allows us to be a soldier in his army. Whether as a general or a private we are honored to fight on the winning side. May our focus be on the Somebody we serve and trust that he has already made us special beyond all human comparisons.

 

 

Don’t Be Afraid

“Don’t be afraid” seems like a silly command. Does anyone want to be scared except for good reason, like getting off the tracks when a train is approaching? Yet, we seem to be afraid of so many things without good reasons.

God often told people not to fear. He told Joshua to be courageous attempting the daunting task of conquering the Promised Land. An angel told the shepherds not to be fearful of strange things that were happening as he announced Jesus’ birth. And Jesus told his disciples not to be afraid when they saw him walking on the water. Why were these people scared? Why are we so easily frightened?

Why Not be Afraid?

One big reason is we are not alone as we face what scares us. Though it seems we are alone since we don’t see, feel, taste, smell, or hear God, we can be assured he is always there protecting and guiding us.

Recently, I faced elevated blood pressure readings from my home kit. This scared me. By faith I pictured Jesus’ presence in the moment and I was assured I was safe because he was protecting and guiding me. I relaxed and my reading fell to normal.

To resist the temptation to be afraid trains us to rely on God’s help instead of our own. It often takes a lot of crushing before we release our grip on trying to control the outcome. God wants to change us into stronger people through the circumstances that scare us.

God loves us. We are his children and he is crazy about us. He is in complete control of our circumstances. Why would we believe he would allow bad things to happen to us if they did not result in an ultimate good, which is to make us more like Jesus? Sometimes, we may need to see the good from God’s perspective by relying on the truth that he will work our circumstances for our spiritual growth.

How Not to be Afraid

One thing we can do to avoid being afraid is to pray. God says, “Don’t be scared, but pray and you won’t be afraid” (Philippians 4:5-6, paraphrased). My experience is that this works sometimes, but not all the time. Sometimes I give up when this happens, but other times I keep pressing God until I find peace from him.

Also, we can ask others to pray for us. Even Paul was afraid. He asked for prayer for boldness, that he may be successful in the ministry.

Another way to not be afraid is to listen to God through his Word and not to Satan. God says we are safe. Satan says we are in danger. God says he loves us. Satan insists we are alone. God says we can. Satan says we can’t. Who we listen to will make a big difference in escaping our dysfunctional pasts and walking in the Spirit.

A final way to not be afraid is to be transformed. We need to be changed from being self-centered, leaving God out of our lives, and earning whatever we get. God will enable us to live for doing his will. Experience an intimate love relationship with him, and learn to receive his many blessings through growing in dependence on his grace. We will then experience greater peace and not be so afraid.

 

 

 

Why Praise God?

Many of us know we need to praise God often and yet we don’t. What is there about God that isn’t worthy of praise?

This week I have observed God’s praiseworthiness working in the lives of three friends. For my first friend, God protected her from becoming a paraplegic when she was pitched off a horse and landed on her head. She broke her back but is expected to fully recover.

For the second friend, God provided the love of his life after waiting for God’s choice for ten years. And for the third friend, God provided wisdom and support to reach out for help in a stressful situation that enabled him to avoid slipping back into alcoholism.

God deserves to be praised from these examples because of his protection, goodness, and support and for the many other demonstrations of his greatness and blessings that we see.

Then why is it so hard for us to praise him? Perhaps we need to review why praising God is the right thing to do and then how to grow in it.

Why Praise Him?

One big reason to praise God often is that he commands it. “From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised” (Psalm 113:3). He deserves it, and he wants us to acknowledge this reality.

Another reason to praise him is to increase our faith. By praising him for our blessings, we give God credit for them. Otherwise, we tend to give ourselves or someone else the adoration.

By praising him for such things as making everything, reigning over the nations, and his loving nature, our reliance on him grows. For example, by praising him for giving us a new identity, we more easily cease striving after the importance, acceptance and love that he has already given us.

Praising him also can keep us humble. When we praise him for making the heavens, the moon and all the stars and at the same time realize that he deeply respects and loves us, we are humbled because we know we didn’t earn it.

How to Grow in Praising God

 We can grow in praising God as we grow in understanding what he has given to us. These blessings include:

  • A guarantee we will be one day be in heaven with him forever
  • We will one day have a pain-free, pleasurable, and joyous daily experience
  • We will one day be in the physical presence of the most loving Person imaginable
  • God’s promise to work all our problems for our good.
  • His guarantee never to reject us and to always love us no matter how bad we are

This understanding of what God has given us comes from prayer as he reveals our blessings to us. Paul didn’t leave it to his teaching that people would understand. He prayed earnestly that “they would understand how wide, how long, and how deep God’s love is. That they would experience this love that is beyond their ability to understand it intellectually” (Ephesians 3:18, paraphrased).

One final thought about how to praise God in a deeper way is to focus on him more and less on the multitude of distractions in this life. God says to us in Philippians 4 that we need to meditate on all the positive things of life. Things that are true, honorable, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise. God is these things and infinitely more. Let’s praise him for it by focusing on his greatness.

 

Why Give Thanks?

I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for like my health, family, and comfortable lifestyle. But this week it’s been hard to give thanks. My wife has been nearly immobilized by back pain, I’ve had a constant toothache, and our Thanksgiving plans were put on hold. So, I found it hard this week to give thanks.

Thanksgiving is really a special time to give thanks to God who has given us so much. But in the midst of pain and difficulties we can forget to give him thanks.

So, why is it important to remember to give God thanks?

One reason is that all that he causes to happen to us is intended for our good and his purposes. “What possible good could come from my wife’s back pain and my toothache” you may ask? The truth is I don’t know, but I can still trust that he will keep his promise to work all things together for my good and his purposes (Romans 8:28-29).

Another reason we give thanks is that God likes it. In fact, he commands it. “In all things give thanks for this is God’s will for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

We also give thanks because of how God will use the situation to transform us to be more like him. His goal is not so much to make us feel good as it’s to make us godly. Sometimes, this means he doesn’t meet our desires. He also disrupts our plans.

In addition, we give thanks for “bad things” that often lead to good things. In my life these are some of the painful circumstances that led to blessings:

  • Getting fired from my first job out of college led to a successful military career
  • Being rejected by a cute coed freed me to later find the girl of my dreams
  • Being rejected by a Christian organization enabled me to work where God wanted me
  • Being broken by an abusive home led me to receive salvation and 45 years of steady spiritual growth

We also give thanks to God because he is good. He loves us all the time, even when we are bad. He deals with us graciously. He makes sure that what happens to us is good, acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).

Psychologists tell us that giving thanks is good for our health and emotional well-being. Thankful people are often

  • Happier
  • Less stressed
  • Better rested
  • Healthier

Maybe this is why one of my favorite disciplines is to thank God for the blessings in my life. It helps me see the good in my circumstances.

So, may we grow ever more thankful to our good God. Though we may be in pain, or things don’t turn out the way we had hoped, we can still thank him for the good he promises is being done. And when we experience the many blessings that make us feel good, may we remember to give thanks because every good and perfect gift comes from him (James 1:17).

 

 

 

Grieving Our Losses

We all have losses in our life. Some really affect us and some don’t. But it can be surprising how much our losses can hurt us.

Because losses sometimes hurt badly, I have often ignored how they make me feel and try to get busy and forget them as fast I can. But is this the best way to deal with losses?

What Our Losses Are

The following are common losses we experience:

  • The loss of a girl or boyfriend
  • The loss of a job
  • The loss of a friend
  • The loss of a loving childhood home
  • The death of a parent
  • The loss of youthfulness
  • The loss of a dream

These are just a few examples of the losses we can have. They can make us sad, distressed, sorrowful, and embarrassed. We tend to run from the pain of these losses. However, it’s important that we face them head-on.

Why Face Them?

We face the pain of our losses in order to experience reality. We deceive ourselves when we pretend that our losses don’t hurt, grieve or make us sad when they do. This unexperienced pain can lead to addictions, chasing idols, psychosomatic pain, and a lack of self-awareness.

We are not weak or defective for feeling grief, sadness, and fear when we lose something. God has planned that our lives have periods in which we suffer. There will be “times to weep and times to laugh, times to mourn and times to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4, paraphrased).  Stuffing the pain of our losses instead of experiencing them can hinder God’s purposes in allowing losses in our lives. He could, for example, be wanting to develop compassion for others through experiencing the pain.

Facing the pain of losses can throw us upon God’s tender mercies as it did David. “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also” (Psalm 31:9). This dependency increases our faith.

Facing our sorrows enables us to experience God’s comfort. We then grow in our capacity to comfort others as they face the pain of their losses (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). When we repress the hurt of our losses, we forfeit the opportunity to receive comfort and growth.

Experiencing the pain of our lost job, relationship, or a dream does not doom us to depression for the rest of our lives. God says to us “Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). We can dare to experience the pain knowing that he won’t give us more than we can endure and will deliver us when he has accomplished his work.

Another reason to face our grief is to obey God. He wants us to be real with him. He wants us to pour out our hearts to him and honestly tell him how bad it hurts. “You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom” (Psalm 51:6). We become wiser as we face the pain of our losses.

So, let us not be so quick to brush over our losses. When we suffer the loss of our looks, or miss a promotion, or a friend moves away, may we slow down and allow ourselves to experience the pain. May we cooperate with God in grieving our losses.

I never paid much attention to whether or not I was emotionally mature. So what if I was afraid, or discontent, or had difficulty accepting my limits? As long as I was godly and accomplishing things for him I was successful.

Little did I realize that I couldn’t become godly if I were stuck in impulsiveness, anger, and competitiveness. Or did I realize that my emotional maturity reflected my spiritual maturity.

Emotional maturity includes

  • Experiencing our feelings
  • Sharing our feelings responsibly with others
  • Experiencing and processing our anger responsibly
  • Not needing the approval of others to feel good about ourselves

What emotional maturity can do for us is

  • Avoid being overly sensitive to being hurt or offended
  • Accept responsibility and not blame others
  • Know and accept our limits
  • Be open to constructive criticism

Why Emotional Maturity Is Important

Emotional maturity is necessary to love others well, which is the goal of the Christian life (1 Timothy 1:7). People can be gifted speakers, know the Scriptures well, and lead competently elder boards and still fail as Christians because of being unloving spouses or unteachable, insecure, and defensive people.

It is who we are deep within that counts. We can look like an adult on the outside but still be an emotional child below the surface. When we are driven by a fear of failure, passively resist others, run from loneliness, and ignore our feelings we are often exhibiting signs of emotional immaturity. This immaturity affects our capacity to focus on others and to love them well. 

How to Become Emotionally Mature

Emotional maturity involves experiencing and processing our emotions wisely. Since our feelings are driven by our beliefs, relying on the truths about ourselves, God and others is vital to becoming emotionally mature. We can’t believe a pack of lies about life and still be godly.

Living God’s truth will set us free from our emotional immaturity (John 8:32). For example, knowing that what people think of us does not define who we are, frees us from our fears and helps us to love them. Also, knowing that we are always acceptable to God even when we fail, keeps us from beating ourselves up or blaming others when things don’t go well.

May we grow in emotional maturity by becoming aware of things we do and feel that reveal emotional immaturity. For example, we may seem to be extremely self-centered or experience considerable anxiety much of the time. We can then ask God to help us discern what we are depending upon that is driving this behavior or emotions.

In his time, he will show us what beliefs or habits need to be transformed. For example, I have had considerable anxiety about my health stemming from major surgery I had three years ago. So I asked, “God, what am I not believing that makes me feel so scared?” What he eventually revealed was that I did not believe I had a trusted shepherd who was watching out for me physically. This was not true! But this belief was driving my emotions. Now, as I ask God to help me believe the truth, I will be growing more emotionally mature as well as godly.

So, are you emotionally mature? Do your emotions and your behavior reflect a heart that is spiritually mature? May we all continue to seek to grow into emotionally mature and godly adults.

Being Who We Are

Why That’s Difficult

It seems that being who we are would be simple. But it isn’t. Many of us have little idea of who we are. We have spent much of our lives being someone who others wanted us to be and ignoring who we really are.

For example, in my childhood home, it was dangerous to be who I was because I could fail to please. This could mean a loss of love, safety, and importance. This was too much to give up just to be myself. So, I focused on being who my parents wanted me to be.

We often are influence by others and the culture to be good-looking, smart, popular, and strong in order to be important and loved. So, we pretend to be these things even when we are not. We lose the sense of intrinsic worth and force ourselves to meet certain standards to earn it. We can lose being who we are in the process.

Why That’s Important

But it’s important to be ourselves. People can’t know, love and help us if all we are giving them is a façade; and we can’t help them. We also will never feel loved by God if we always hide our ugly parts from him. We will never experience his great love for us if we feel we have to earn it by being good.

I have tended to hide from God and myself my weaknesses. I grew up thinking that it wasn’t okay to be weak. I felt defective when I was weak. So, I have had trouble crying, and acknowledging feeling depressed and scared. God has impressed upon me lately that it’s okay to feel weak. His love and acceptance remains firm in spite of being who I am.

And who we are is awesome. We are royalty. We are special. God says that despite our weaknesses and limits he has made us a little lower than himself and has crowned us with glory and majesty (Psalm 8:4-5, paraphrased). He enjoys us! He died for us! 

How We Do It

So, how do we be who we are? It’s not easy. It probably requires separating from a number of idols that we have cultivated. Idols such as achievement, people’s approval, and control over circumstances. These are the things we have sought to meet our needs instead of resting in God’s opinion of us of being precious, honored and loved (Isaiah 43:4). In the process we have often failed to be who we really are.

We know how important it is to apply the Bible to our lives. But have we? Are we being ourselves because we are precious, honored and loved by God just the way we are? Or are we pretending and hiding because we reject ourselves and fear that others will too if they only knew.

Let’s be “doers of the Word and not hearers only” (James 1:22) by embracing who we are. Let’s be real. Let’s see ourselves through the eyes of God and rejoice in the marvelous creations that we are!

 

But How to be Godly?

A friend recently told me that what he needed to know was not what to do to live a godly life, but how. He knew that he needed to love well, trust in God, and follow his leading. But how?

For example, he knew he needed to do what the Bible said. But that was not enough. He had concluded that his human fortitude was not going to keep him from worrying, acting lazy, and overeating. He needed to know how to tap into the supernatural to do what the Bible said.

But how?

Why Is Knowing the How Important?

Without knowing how we can’t obey. We may have good intentions, but that’s not good enough.

Knowing how to love well is just as important as knowing that we need to love well. What good does it do us to know that we need to love God and others well, but don’t know how or what it looks like?

Learning the How

We are able to know and do the how as we operate in God’s wisdom. Using God’s wisdom is how to live the Bible. We need to pray for this wisdom and he promises to shower us with it (James 1:5).

For example, many of know that God wants us to love our wives. But how? In my case, every day I ask God for his power and wisdom to love Adele in the practical details of life. Today, I included a trip to the ice cream parlor to cap off a date with her because I knew she liked ice cream. I believe that this idea came from God in answer to my prayer for wisdom to treat her with dignity and respect.

Another way we learn the how is to be mentored by someone who is doing the how. These mentors not only know truth but have applied it to the details of everyday life. Jesus taught his disciples the how largely by living with them. They got more than a sermon from Jesus. They got his deep beliefs, values and motives as he lived with them 24/7.

Another way to know the how is for us to not accept lazy sermons. These sermons stay parked on what a passage teaches, rather than also delving into the painful process of how to live it. Sadly, I think one reason we don’t get more of the how in sermons is that the pastors are not living more of the truth they teach.

In addition, we need to cultivate the habit of responding to the truth that we learn. We all have the tendency to be hearers but not doers. Just taking one simple step to obey what we have learned can help us learn the how. We begin with one small step and grow from that.

Another way we learn about the how is by reading biographies of godly men. I remember reading about the great missionary to China, Hudson Taylor, to learn about his secrets about how to pray. His example taught me a lot about how to be a godly man.

A final suggestion about how to learn the how is to simply try. For example, we learn to be a leader by leading. We learn to love our wives as we join forces with Jesus and love with the wisdom and power that he gives.

May we not be deceived by just knowing what we are supposed to do and think that is good enough. Without learning how to depend on God to do what we are supposed to do, we fail to be transformed. May we learn the how and grow to spiritual maturity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Rule of Life

We all have a Rule of Life whether we realize it or not. This Rule is simply what we do to cooperate with God in developing an intimate love relationship with him. Every church and every Christian has one, even if it is unconscious.

We can view a Rule as a flower trellis. As the trellis lifts the flowers and helps them to grow properly, so a Rule helps lift us up to receive from God all that he has for us in our relationship with him.

Our Rule may be as simple as going to church once a week. Or it may involve a variety of activities such as meditation on the Bible, prayer, and belonging to a small group.

We are all different and our Rule needs to reflect the activities that help us to get to know the Lord the best, considering our maturity, personality, and issues. This will require a lot of trial and error.

Why We Need a Rule

We need a Rule because God requires us to participate in our own spiritual growth and transformation. Becoming more like Jesus in our hearts doesn’t just happen as we study the Bible and do ministry. We need to be led by him into what we need to do. Also, one set of activities that worked in one season of our lives, may not work as well in another.

For example, my morning Quiet Time used to be heavy on Bible reading and meditation and had little prayer in it. In recent years, it has included much more prayer as I have grown in intimacy and dependence.

As we get to know ourselves better, some of us are shocked by how little we have changed since childhood. I found that despite working very hard to grow spiritually for thirty years, I was still trying to achieve my way into worth, impress my way into being loved, and control my way into feeling secure. This happened despite studying, but not grasping that “you are precious, you are honored, and I love you” (Isaiah 43:4, paraphrased). So, we need a Rule that helps us break through the lies and bad habits that control us and allows God to transform our thinking, feelings, and habits of the heart.

We need to be intentional and proactive in living the life we were meant to live. “Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step” (1 Corinthians 9:25-26, NLT).

How to Develop a Rule of Life

In developing our Rule, may we remember that our ultimate goal is to love well (1 Timothy 1:5). It’s not to increase our Bible knowledge or to save souls. These are secondary goals.

We need to get to know ourselves to determine if the fruit of the Spirit is increasing in our lives. If not, we need to make some adjustments in our Rule that better connects us to God’s presence and power.

A good way I have learned to get to know myself better is through my feelings. Through my sadness, fears, and joys I have gotten better acquainted with I believe and depend upon to live life. I have been shocked at how much I have been and still am controlled by lies- and yet I have seen much progress in trusting and living in the truth. Growing in self-knowledge like this has only become part of my Rule in recent years as I have grown in appreciating its importance.

Our Rule needs to help us partner with God in living a balanced life. Therefore, some broad categories of activities could include

  • Connection to God Through the Word and Prayer
  • Rest
  • Work/Activity
  • Relationships

May we seek God for guidance in developing a Rule. Let’s make conscious what our Rule is now and determine if God may be leading to make a change or two. Let’s win the race of life by “seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33) by following our Rule.

 

 

Rest

Strange as it may seem, most of us have a hard time resting. We often feel guilty. Sometimes we even feel scared of resting. “What’s going to happen to my world while I rest?” we think. Yet, resting is critical if we hope to reach spiritual maturity. For in the resting, we have the opportunity to get to know God and ourselves better.

In the last month, I took a 15-day vacation. In general, I don’t do vacations well because my worth and security are anchored in being busy and productive. However, I have come to realize that I need breaks for physical and emotional rejuvenation and to gain God’s perspective. And my worth and security are not threatened when I rest.

On this vacation I did relax. I got distracted. I rested. I had my routines disrupted which freed me to gain new perspectives and make some commitments to take some new actions.

 

We rest when we rely on God to do for us what we can’t do for ourselves – like feeling content (Philippians 4:12-13). Things like being important enough, feeling safe enough, and being ourselves and feeling comfortable about it. David rested in God’s care when he said, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6)” as he reflected on his life. He wasn’t striving for more.

What Will It Cost Us?

But it will cost us to rest from our labors. We will have to face the fact that we are not in control. It is God and not us that determines our influence, prosperity and length of days as we do our part to cooperate with him.

We will have to shed the lie that many of us have had from childhood that there is no caregiver we can trust to watch out for our best interests. We will need to learn to rely on God’s unlimited love for us – quite a difficult challenge for those of us from abusive backgrounds.

We will also need to find our identity as a “new creature in Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:17). That’s tough for a lot of us. We have invested many years in cultivating a false identity that grounds its worth and acceptance in achievement, what people think, and good circumstances. We don’t turn away from this false identity easily.

To lose this identity can be terrifying. We must learn to trust the worth of our lives and our eternal destinies to God as we rest in his promises. We must rest in his promises like “You have been perfected for all time (Hebrews 10:14)” and “You are precious, you are honored, and I love you (Isaiah 43:4).” We would almost rather work for a false identity that would make more sense to us. But God wants us to rest in our new identity and to “cease striving and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

He says,

  • “Come to Me and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 10:28-30)
  • “It’s vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors. For I will meet your needs.” (Psalm 127:2)
  • “In resting in Me shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

So, let us learn to rest from trying to run our lives. Not just taking a break from the grind but an on-going break from trying to earn worth, love, and acceptance as we trust God to meet these needs in partnership with him.