Why Face the Past?

May 28, 2016 by journeyintolight

Most of us have things from our past that we would like to forget about. So, we do. Or so we think. But our past often taints our present in surprising ways.

For example, in my childhood home, I was taught that I wasn’t very important, safe, or loved unless I was pleasing and achieving. When I lacked achievement and approval, I felt inadequate. But my feelings of inadequacy were not based on truth.

When I was 21, I left home and never fully faced these lies. I later learned that under God’s watchful care I am important, safe and loved by him all the time. But the past often leaked into my present as an adult and has made it difficult to receive God’s gift of importance, safety, and love. I still want to earn them. I still needed to face my past, put if off, and put on God’s love and grace.

Why The Past Needs to Be Faced

Our past is what has made us who we are today, both the good and the bad. The influences of family, friends, church, and society along with our choices have profoundly molded our beliefs, motives, and behaviors.

In some cases, our past and what it taught us clashes with God’s truth. For example, we may have been taught that it wasn’t okay to be who we are. But God says it is because we are his workmanship and that we are wonderful just the way we are.

Often this past leaks into our present and can affect how we feel about someone in our lives today, when we are actually responding to someone from the past that reminds us of this person. Several years ago I realized that part of my struggle working with a person in my church was that he reminded me of my dad, which was triggering unresolved father issues.

How Do We Face It?

Our goal needs to be to face our past, be healed where we need to be and to press on in being transformed and involved in God’s work in the world. To do this, we need to know ourselves well enough to determine what beliefs and habits need to be changed. For example, I felt good when someone bragged to the pastor about the group I led. I felt good because I thought I was more important because he would probably be impressed. But this thinking was from the past. The new thinking is that I am important because God tells me I am important, not because the pastor may think I am.

Our past powerfully influences us in many other subtle ways. These ways are so deep, we often need God’s help to detect false thinking and feelings. We can ask God to “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139:23-24).

Without growing in our knowledge of God, we can’t know what part of our past needs to be changed. But this knowledge of God will need to go deep into experiencing the truth to grasp what the implications are. For example, I realized that a fear from my past of being rejected, no longer applied. Instead, of indulging an old habit and belief of fearing flaws, I rested in the truth that God would never reject me (Hebrews 13:5).

Probably the most important thing we can do to face our past is to recognize how important it is to do it. Most of us don’t do it and we suffer for it. Those of us who ignore our pasts are prone to repeat them. Trace your family tree and see how the same sins and dysfunctions seem to crop up generation after generation. One reason is that it takes a lot of courage to face the past and make the necessary changes.

One of my passions has been to pass on to my children and grandchildren a more emotionally healthy spirituality than I was handed. To a large extent this is happening. One thing that has helped me is the willingness to examine my past, compare it to biblical truth, and with God’s help, choose to act differently. May I encourage you to ask God to show you any beliefs or behaviors from your past that may be hurting the legacy that you are passing on to your family and allow him to guide you into becoming more like him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Being Real with Ourselves

May 13, 2016 by journeyintolight

Being real with ourselves is not easy. Sometimes, it’s hard to admit our limits and being different from who we want to be.

I spent a good portion of my childhood focused on being who my parents and others wanted me to be. I loved the approval of others rather than being real. They wanted me to make a lot of money, be an engineer with the Caterpillar Tractor Company and to get married, have three kids and live in Illinois.

But that wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t until I got away from home and in the Air Force that I seriously looked at who I was. And then I became more real. But my parents and others didn’t like everything about the real me. Some didn’t like the fact that I became a born-again Christian and in their minds a religious fanatic. Others didn’t like my commitment to honesty, even when dishonesty would work. Still others didn’t like the fact that I wouldn’t put my job as top priority, ahead of God and family. At times, it was painful to be the real me.

Why It’s So Difficult

Being real with ourselves is difficult  because we often fool ourselves about ourselves. The Bible says, “Our hearts are deceitful above all else and are desperately sick, who can understand them?” (Jeremiah 17:9, paraphrased). For example, we may want to be a leader so we ignore the evidence about our weaknesses and over commitment ourselves. Deep within, we tend to distort reality to fit what we want it to be.

Another difficulty is that most of us don’t know ourselves enough to be real.  Because we often see ourselves through the eyes of others, we have denied desires, hopes, and characteristics that don’t meet with others approval. To be real is to discover what we have denied about ourselves, accept who we are, and be real, risking rejection from others.

Finally, our homes, schools, and society have taught us that our real selves are not that special. We are often trained unintentionally to view ourselves as largely inadequate, insignificant, and unlovable. But they are lies! Our real self is precious and greatly loved, just the way it is. God says to us, “You are precious, you are honored and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4). But we have a difficult time accepting these truths about ourselves, which pressures us not to be real.

Picturesque landscape, fenced ranch at sunrise

How to Be Real with Ourselves

Only if we are convinced that God won’t reject us if we are real, will we have the courage to face our real selves. As long as we feel compelled to pretend to be better than we are, will will continue to live in a false self and not be real. But God has accepted us for all time, even though we are flawed (Hebrews 10:14). Understanding his acceptance helps us to be real with ourselves, others, and God.

Godly people are another important way to be real with ourselves. God uses people to overcome our blind spots and to tell us the truth about ourselves. King David refused to accept the truth about himself that he was an adulterer and murderer until Nathan the prophet was used by God to bring the brutal truth home to David, so that he could be real with himself (2 Samuel 12). Our being real with ourselves is helped by regularly fellowshipping with Christians in a small group or one-on-one where they can speak the truth to us in love.

A third way we can become real with ourselves is to meditate on the Scriptures that tell us what God thinks of us. This is who we really are. We are not who we think others think we are (James 1:22-25). By meditating on the Scriptures and depending upon the Holy Spirit’s help, we can realize that:

  • God made us unique and wants us to be ourselves (Ephesians 2:10)
  • We are very important no matter how little we produce or impress (1 Peter 2:9; John 15:5)
  • We are safe in a dangerous world because God watches over us (Psalm 23)

God made us to be ourselves. We will need his help to discover who our real self is. As we do, may we ruthlessly reject pretending to be who we are not. Let’s come out of hiding and live in our true selves that we may be real with ourselves, God, and others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rethinking Life

April 26, 2016 by journeyintolight

Most of us have no idea how much we need to rethink life. We are molded by our homes, peer groups and society to think certain ways. But those ways often need to be changed if we want to see life the way it really is.

For example, as a young man, I thought that if I impressed people and achieved a lot I would be more important. This proved to be wrong. I thought that earning the respect and approval of certain people would make me more loved. This proved to be wrong as well. I also believed that I had to plan and carry out the responsibities of life without any help from God. This proved to be wrong too.

Why Rethink Life

I have marveled at how some of my friends were able to follow the script that they were given from childhood into seemingly happy and productive lives. But I had to do a lot of rethinking. My script didn’t work that well. And I think my friends also needed to do more rethinking. Why rethink life?

Because God says to do it. He says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing (rethinking) of your minds” (Romans 12:2). He also says to put off the old and put on the new (Ephesians 4:22-24). We all need to be transformed by changing our thinking to conform to God’s thinking.

Our pasts often fill us with foolish ideas about what is true and how to live life. We can change this by rethinking life according to what the Bible says. God says, “The truth shall set you free” (John 8:32). But only as we compare our thinking to what God says in the Bible and change our thinking, will we be set free from the limitations of false thinking.

How to Rethink Life

The first step to rethinking life is to become aware of what we think and how we feel about life. We can tell what we think by what we depend on to tell us what reality is. For example, if we are afraid of the disapproval of certain people, we are thinking that acceptance by people is needed for us to avoid painful rejection. But God says he will never reject us! (Hebrews 13:5). Rethinking gets us to the point that we never have to fear rejection for it will never happen. However, we can be snubbed or hurt by others, but that is not devastating like true rejection.

Once we are aware of what we think and feel, we need to compare this to what God says reality is. “I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws” (Psalm 119:59, NLT). When we find that God’s reality is different than ours, we need to cooperate with him in rethinking life. For example, if we think that we aren’t very important and God says in Isaiah 43:4 that we are precious and honored, who are we to believe? We are to believe God and continue the painful process of separating from depending on our false thinking.

Another way to rethink life is Scripture meditation. A habit I developed early in my Christian life was to put on small cards a verse or two that ministers to me. I carry these small cards with me and memorize the verses and meditate on them at various times throughout the day. I ask myself the question “What is God saying to me right now through this verse?” Over the years, God has used this habit to help me rethink my life in many ways.

Recently, I was challenged to rethink how I saw myself. I came into adulthood thinking I wasn’t very important without achieving, not free to be myself in all areas, and needing to impress to feel loved. Over the years, I have done a lot of rethinking about these things and regard them as lies, but they still influence me to some extent. So, I listed my old thinking about myself, and then listed how God thinks of me. What a difference! God sees me as very important, enjoyable, and deeply loved.

So, I burned the list of how I used to view myself and buried the ashes. I then took the list of how God sees me, tied it to a helium-filled balloon and let it soar into the sky. These acts symbolize how our old thinking needs to die in the face of embracing God’s glorious thinking about life.

 

 

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Constructive Criticism Is Good

April 16, 2016 by journeyintolight

I often get a chill down my spine when I am about to get some constructive criticism. I know it’s good for me, but I still fear it.

Recently, I have asked several friends and colleagues to give me some honest feedback on a draft book I have written. I asked them to tell me what they liked about the book and what they didn’t. I also asked them how they would make the book better. I did this because I know it’s wise to seek advice from many respected counselors. But I feel dread that they won’t like it and I’ll have to do a major rewrite.

I am comforted when I think of what happened to Harper Lee, who wrote the Pulitzer – prizing winning novel, To Kill a Mockingbird. Her publisher made many constructive criticisms to her first draft. Instead of being discouraged by the criticism, she incorporated the changes and created the award-winning book that became the story for the first-class movie by the same name.

This dislike of criticism often affects leaders. Good leaders will hire around their weaknesses, not their strengths. But many leaders won’t do that. One of the reasons is that they like people who reinforce their biases and ways of doing business. They don’t like constructive criticism, even when it leads to better results in the long-run.

I once had a boss that hired me because I was strong in ethics, which he considered a weakness of his. We sometimes disagreed on what the ethical action was during the five years I worked for him, but he seemed to respect my positions and hopefully this helped his ethics. Many years after I quit working for him, he was sent to prison for unethical behavior. I still wonder if he would have gone to prison if I had remained in his employment and been allowed to constructively criticize his ethics when appropriate.

Why We Often Hate Constructive Criticism

Many of us hang onto a fragile sense of worth. We believe that we are important if people agree with us, respect us, or are impressed with our achievements. Constructive criticism can punch holes in our illusions that we are important because we are great or are beyond improvement. As a result, we sometimes avoid receiving honest feedback, which is stupid (Proverbs 12:1). We fail to accept the truth that our worth is great and unchangeable and does not depend on being impressive.

Another reason we hate constructive criticism is that it hurts. We are short-sighted and evaluate the criticism by how it makes us feel now, not the good that will come from it in the future (Hebrews 12:11).

A third reason we hate criticism is that sometimes it’s not constructive. It’s false and destructive. We need to evaluate the credibility of the person who is providing us with the criticism to help us determine if it’s constructive.

A fourth reason we hate constructive criticism is that we don’t want to improve. We would rather stay in the status quo and live lies, than to accept the painful reality of the criticism and grow. Recently my wife commented that I wouldn’t snore as much if I would lose a few pounds. I resented her constructive criticism. I wanted to fool myself into thinking I didn’t need to lose weight so that I wouldn’t have to make painful changes in my diet and exercise.

How We Should Respond to Constructive Criticism

Our first response to constructive criticism should be to expect it. God tells us that he is training us to improve in whatever we do as a way of life (Proverbs 6:23). Our seventy or eighty years on earth are not to demonstrate our god-like qualities or skills, but to grow more like him in our attitudes, actions, and power. He often uses constructive criticism to grow us.

But isn’t this criticism going to tear down our self-esteem? No, if we’re anchored in seeing ourselves as God sees us, a child he dearly loves and respects. We can then remain secure in our worth even when we are brought face-to-face with the need to improve.

When we cling to the need to earn worth through achievements or to go a certain direction, we can view constructive criticism as a threat. But when we rest in who we are to God (already precious) and going God’s way the best way to go (Matthew 6:33), we can better receive God’s instructions through the criticism.

As I have received some criticism lately, what criticism have you received? May we take our criticisms to God in prayer and ask him if they’re constructive. If they are, let’s ask him for the desire and strength to follow his path to growth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Living by Faith

March 22, 2016 by journeyintolight

What does this mean? A few days ago I was about to go to the doctor and get the results of my annual physical. Included was a test result to determine if I needed major surgery. Living by faith, I rested on the facts that God controls the results and they will probably be reasonably good. And if disappointing, he will give me the strength to handle the results in a mature and godly way. Thus, I felt reasonable peace.

However, I was also tempted to live by sight. Living by sight had me thinking that I didn’t know if the results would be good and could very well not be. I also felt fearful that I wouldn’t have the inner strength to face them with courage and maturity.

As I lay on the gurney waiting for the doctor to come into the room with my test results, I desperately tried to live by faith repeating to myself David’s words, “Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life” (Psalm 23:6). I wouldn’t let my mind entertain the fearful “What if” scenarios. As a result, I felt some peace in the midst of my anxiety.

Then, the doctor came in the room. After some small talk that seemed to last several minutes, I asked him about the results. To my astonishment they were great! Nothing abnormal and no surgery needed even when preliminary tests indicated a good chance that it would be!

But I was drained after God led me through another trial of learning to live by faith. When I kept my eyes on his presence and help I was at peace. When I started to live by sight, I was terrified. I thanked him wholeheartedly for doing such a good job in taking care of my body for the past year.

summer field, sunrise and blue sky

What It Means to Live by Faith 

Living by faith is expecting God to do what he has promised. For example, he has promised to shower us with goodness and loving acts (Psalm 23:6). He has also promised to help us to go through whatever painful situation we will have to face (Philippians 4:13). I rested in both promises to live by faith as I faced test results.

Living by faith is growing in trusting God to do the miraculous, based partly on previous miracles that he has done for us. Learning to trust God is often a slow process. The disciples were slow to learn that Jesus could provide food miraculously by failing to learn from two previous miracles he did in providing food for thousands from a few loaves of bread (Matthew 16:8-11).

Living by faith is taking God at his word that our rewards in heaven far outweigh the benefits we can gain on our own in this life. Moses chose ill-treatment with the people of God rather than enjoy the passing pleasures of sin because he was living by faith in a heavenly reward (Hebrews 11:25-27).

Living by faith is being content with our life. We can only be content by faith in God (Philippians 4) because we are bent towards being frustrated with whatever we get in possessions, accomplishments and respect. When we choose to live by sight, we put confidence in ourselves or another idol to earn contentment that never comes (Proverbs 20:27).

How We Live by Faith

We are trained to live by sight. We have been trained to depend on ourselves. We have been trained that there is no God in the details of life. So, we have a lot of un-training we need to do to live by faith. That’s why Paul commands us to put off the old and put on the new. We have to put off tackling the world by sight so that we can embrace God’s help through faith.

God tells us that we can grow in living by faith as we hear and rely on the Word (Romans 10:17). It’s not just knowing the Word, but relying on it (James 1:22). And that’s where our battle rages as it did for me in the doctor’s office. Will we fight through and live by faith or shrink before the challenges and miss a supernatural life?

As a result of this doctor visit, my faith grew. May we all reflect on God’s faithfulness to us in the past, that we may live by faith today. May we choose to live by faith in his miraculous help for our future challenges, instead of just relying on the puny resources that we can see.

 

 

 

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One Day at a Time

March 8, 2016 by journeyintolight

I’ve considered taking it a day at a time a wise thing to do for a long time. Why try to solve tomorrow’s problems today? I may not have enough energy left to tackle today’s problems if I do. Yet, I often try to do just that.

In the last two weeks I have been undergoing a variety of scans, x-rays and blood tests as part of my annual check-up. I find myself tempted to worry about the results. What happens if they find this or that? Then, I begin to problem-solve if they find this or that. But they may not find this or that and then I’ve wasted all this energy problem-solving. I’m not taking it a day at a time.

I once had a job in the Air Force that was so challenging that I had to take it a day at a time. Each day had so much challenge in it, I didn’t have time to worry about tomorrow. This got to be a problem sometimes when I didn’t start a project soon enough to get it done in time. I remember once putting together a $25,000,000 annual budget in my room one night for presentation the next day.

Dove in the air with wings wide open

What Does It Mean to Take It a Day at a Time?

Mark Twain wrote, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” We tend to use our imaginations to “see” problems that will never exist. God tells us to take it a day at a time so that we only tackle real problems, not anticipated ones. He reminds us that we are very limited, and don’t know if the problems we “see” today will be challenges tomorrow (James 4:14). “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34).

This doesn’t mean that we’re not to start solving today a problem that needs a solution by next week. God praises us if we look ahead to see the deadline looming in front of us and take action (Proverbs 22:3). It just means that we need to wait until it’s the proper time to start problem-solving, when the facts are available and we still have the time and energy to focus.

One day at a time means waiting for God to provide. He promises that “as your days are, so shall your strength be” (Deuteronomy 33:25, NKJV). As God provided manna a day at a time to Israel in the desert, he gives us the strength for today’s problems. We often wear ourselves out trying to fix tomorrow’s imaginary problems in today’s strength. Instead, he wants us to lean on his help for tomorrow and not our ability to figure it out ahead of time.

How to Take It a Day at a Time

It’s tough to take it a day at a time. Trusting in God has always been a challenge for me and I tend to be a good problem solver. As a result, I tend to take on more than one day at a time and worry a lot. However, these are a few things that have helped me take it a day at a time:

  • Pray–This often works to cut down on my anxiety but more often it results in God intervening in miraculous ways.
  • Continue to grow in my faith by knowing and applying the Word of God in dependence on the Spirit.
  • Grow in living in the reality of who I am to God–his son! I am deeply loved, precious and totally acceptable to him, just like a child is to a loving father. I can trust a loving Father who happens to be God Almighty to take care of me a day at a time.

In closing, Pastor Rick Warren writes to us:

“God solved your biggest problem — getting into Heaven — when he sent Jesus to die for you. If God loved you enough to send Jesus to die for you, don’t you think he loves you enough to take care of all these other problems?” (Romans 8:32).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Journey with God – Part 3

February 10, 2016 by journeyintolight

For the last two weeks, I have been describing a journey with God in pursuing a relationship with a lovely Christian lady named Adele. But what had looked like it was going somewhere, now looked pretty grim. She had told me a few days earlier that I was just a friend to her. And because she was a here-and-now person she also would not miss me while I went to school back east for the summer. I had left San Bernardino stunned by her disclosure.

By the time I arrived in Warrensburg, Missouri I was depressed. But I didn’t have much time to grieve my loss for I was facing “a summer of hell” as my academic advisor described it. Therefore, I put the relationship on the back burner figuring that this would give me a great opportunity to exit the relationship. But I had not given up all hope and sent her a platonic post card so that she had my address.

To my shocking surprise, a week later I received a 12- page letter describing how much she missed me. She described how she had cried for three days after I left. I remember muttering to God that maybe this relationship wasn’t over after all.

This began a correspondence throughout the long summer. I would write a cryptic post card every two or three days and she would write a letter every day.

God used that summer to build my confidence in her faithfulness and support. I needed her prayers because it truly was “a summer from hell” as I worked night and day to keep up with the homework and papers.

When I returned in August, I had a romance on my hands. We began to talk about the possibility of marriage. As I prayed and looked for evidences of God’s will, all signs pointed toward marriage. However, I wanted to get clear guidance from God from his Word. But it didn’t come.

Therefore, I waited, and waited, and waited. One day in November I got frustrated with God and the waiting. I told him how much I needed his confirmation that marrying Adele was his will. I also did some whining. As I did my weekly bible study later that day, this is what he said to me.

“Have I brought you this far in your relationship and not have marriage in mind? What kind of a God do you think I am? Now, show your faith in Me and propose to her” (Isaiah 66:6; 1 Thessalonians 2:13). Was I elated! I finally got the go ahead to propose.

I was coached to take her to a special place to ask her to marry me. I chose a nice restaurant in Palm Springs. I was hoping she would say yes that night, but feared that she would need to pray about it. And she did.

It was awkward! She said she wanted to say yes but said she needed to follow my example of seeking God’s guidance through the Bible. I prayed that God would not keep us waiting too long. I feared it would be six weeks or more. How awkward that would be!

However, God was gracious and the next morning she called and said that he told her through her Bible reading that marrying me was a wise decision. That day we announced it to our world. We were married five months later. We now have two grown children and three grandchildren.

This journey with God has continued for 39 years. I consider her God’s greatest gift to me next to Jesus. I have had to continue leaning hard on Jesus for the capacity to nurture, cherish and understand her as God commands us husbands to do. It has been a journey with many struggles, but many more blessings.

For the last two weeks, I have been describing a journey with God in pursuing a relationship with a lovely Christian lady named Adele. But what had looked like it was going somewhere, now looked pretty grim. She had told me a few days earlier that I was just a friend to her. And because she was a here-and-now person she also would not miss me while I went to school back east for the summer. I had left San Bernardino stunned by her disclosure.

By the time I arrived in Warrensburg, Missouri I was depressed. But I didn’t have much time to grieve my loss for I was facing “a summer of hell” as my academic advisor described it. Therefore, I put the relationship on the back burner figuring that this would give me a great opportunity to exit the relationship. But I had not given up all hope and sent her a platonic post card so that she had my address.

To my shocking surprise, a week later I received a 12- page letter describing how much she missed me. She described how she had cried for three days after I left. I remember muttering to God that maybe this relationship wasn’t over after all.

This began a correspondence throughout the long summer. I would write a cryptic post card every two or three days and she would write a letter every day.

God used that summer to build my confidence in her faithfulness and support. I needed her prayers because it truly was “a summer from hell” as I worked night and day to keep up with the homework and papers.

When I returned in August, I had a romance on my hands. We began to talk about the possibility of marriage. As I prayed and looked for evidences of God’s will, all signs pointed toward marriage. However, I wanted to get clear guidance from God from his Word. But it didn’t come.

Therefore, I waited, and waited, and waited. One day in November I got frustrated with God and the waiting. I told him how much I needed his confirmation that marrying Adele was his will. I also did some whining. As I did my weekly bible study later that day, this is what he said to me.

“Have I brought you this far in your relationship and not have marriage in mind? What kind of a God do you think I am? Now, show your faith in Me and propose to her” (Isaiah 66:6; 1 Thessalonians 2:13). Was I elated! I finally got the go ahead to propose.

I was coached to take her to a special place to ask her to marry me. I chose a nice restaurant in Palm Springs. I was hoping she would say yes that night, but feared that she would need to pray about it. And she did.

It was awkward! She said she wanted to say yes but said she needed to follow my example of seeking God’s guidance through the Bible. I prayed that God would not keep us waiting too long. I feared it would be six weeks or more. How awkward that would be!

However, God was gracious and the next morning she called and said that he told her through her Bible reading that marrying me was a wise decision. That day we announced it to our world. We were married five months later. We now have two grown children and three grandchildren.

This journey with God has continued for 39 years. I consider her God’s greatest gift to me next to Jesus. I have had to continue leaning hard on Jesus for the capacity to nurture, cherish and understand her as God commands us husbands to do. It has been a journey with many struggles, but many more blessings.

I think God gave me this experience as a model of how he wants to partner with me in facing the many other journeys of life. Journeys such as raising kids, making a living, and maintaining emotional health. May this experience help us all remember that God wants to live life with us. It will go so much better if we let him (John 10:10; John 15:5).

 

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A Journey with God

February 4, 2016 by journeyintolight

As I described in my last posting, I had begun a journey with God in pursuing a relationship with an attractive young lady named Adele. I didn’t know where the journey would lead, but God had told me that it would lead to marriage. But I didn’t believe it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to get married at the time.

The Journey Continues

The next step on this journey was to plan a first date. I wanted to make it a creative experience. I prayed and finally decided on inviting her to what I thought was a college play. I invited the friend from work (who had tried to get me to date Adele) and his wife to join us.

The play turned out to be a disaster! The whole play was a musical sung off-key from start to finish. It was so bad, that it was good because it provided my friend fodder for wise cracks at my expense. In addition, I experienced Adele’s compassion as she tried to defend my choice of a date.

I sensed that God wanted to developed our relationship very slowly. He also wanted me to stay focused on doing right by her. He didn’t want me to focus on impressing her to avoid being rejected. He assured me that he would protect me from this hurt.

Our next date was about two months later. I decided to take her ice skating. Since I wasn’t trying to impress her, I didn’t give it much thought that I didn’t ice skate very well. Surprisingly, she was impressed that I would take her to do something that I wasn’t good at. I even revealed to her a few other weaknesses that night.

By the end of the third or fourth date, my relationship with Adele was more than a friendship to me. As a result, I started feeling insecure. I wanted some kind of commitment from her that would assure me that I wouldn’t be rejected. I thought about going steady, but God used a friend to convince me that that was a terrible idea and would kill the relationship. I decided to turn to God for the strength to continue developing feelings for her without assurances that she felt the same way.

I began to increase the frequency of our dates to try to bring some closure to the relationship before I headed back east for the summer to finish a Master’s degree that I had started while I was in the Air Force. However, the harder I tried, the more obstacles got in the way of moving the relationship forward. I finally gave up and accepted the fact I would need to head east without closure.

The Relationship Moves to A New Level

As I was saying good-bye to her for the summer, she told me that because she was a here-and-now person, she didn’t think she would miss me while I was gone (like I had been telling her that I would miss her). I immediately looked God in the eyes and said in my mind, “Look at the mess you’ve got me into. She has no feelings for me even though I have strong feelings for her. This relationship was your idea, not mine. I can’t make her like me. Only you can do that. I can’t go on with this relationship until you do something. I will put this relationship on hold until she is in a similar place as I am.

I then accepted the fruit and cookie basket that she had prepared for me, and drove off broken-hearted.

Little did I know that God took only five minutes to answer that prayer. When she realized that I was actually gone for two and one-half months she began to cry. And she cried and cried nearly continuously for the next two days. She realized that she did have feelings for me and would miss me after all. I believe today that God answered my prayer by both changing her heart and in helping her realize how she actually felt.

I was not to know for two more weeks her change of feelings for me. Meanwhile, I grew increasingly pessimistic about the relationship as I headed east and by the time I had arrived in Missouri, I had concluded that the relationship was probably over.

Next week I will share how God continued to lead on this challenging journey. Little did I know that the relationship was moving beyond a friendship towards a romance.

 

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Going on a Journey with God

January 26, 2016 by journeyintolight

I was frustrated. It was hopeless. The harder I tried the worse things got. Why couldn’t I be like other guys and find the right girl and get married? It’s not that I hadn’t tried. I had dated about 150 different girls in the prior six years. But the relationships never worked out. Many ended after the first date.

Waiting on God

So, when I was challenged to give up the search to focus on developing my new relationship with God, I was relieved. I needed a break. I had felt pressure for many years to get married because nearly all my friends had. But I had grown to question if I had what was required to be happily married.

Therefore, it was easy for me to give the project to God to bring along the right one when I was ready. I was confident that God could do a better job than I had at finding the right one. The original plan was to take a two-year break from dating, although I knew it could be longer. And it was.

Four years later, I still was going nowhere in meeting, courting, and marrying the right one. Had God forgotten about our agreement? I was past thirty now. During this time my focus had become getting to know God better and getting ahead in the ministry organization that I was a part of. However, I still wanted to get married some day if the right one came along.

The Wait is Over

About this time, I was approached by the local leadership of the organization to consider marriage. I thought that this idea was reasonable, but I wasn’t that excited about it. I was more excited about becoming a leader in their organization.

Nevertheless, I began reading books the leaders suggested that would help me gain God’s perspective on courtship and marriage. I found out that God’s perspective on romance and marriage was night and day different from the way I had approached it in the past. I learned that marriage was more a giving thing, not a taking one. I also learned that a wife was not going to take all my problems away. I still needed God.

As I read and discussed these books, I came to realize that God’s ways seemed to make a lot of sense. As a result, I became eager to try some of these ideas out on a real girl.

But I continued to wait for God’s go ahead and to read the suggested books and began to add a number of my own choosing. I would then discuss what I was learning with my mentor to help me to change my thinking, feelings, and actions.

The Journey Begins

Finally, I sensed that I was ready to start dating again after a break of 4 and 1/2 years. But I had a problem. I didn’t know anyone. Despite this, I was able to generate a list of three girls that I knew well enough to ask out on a date.

One girl on the list was Adele, who a friend at work had been trying to get me to date for nearly a year. I was ambivalent about her thinking that she was “stuck up” and not particularly attractive. However, I did agree to an elaborate scheme for me to drive her home from a Halloween party that we both would be at so that I could get to know her better.

The night of the party, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her. She was beautiful! And then I heard a voice in my head say, “This is the one I have saved for you.” I immediately put the thought out of my mind and proceeded to participate in the Halloween party. However, I stayed focused on where she was and what she was doing that night. As I drove her home I asked if she would be interested in going on a date sometime. Her response was not enthusiastic, but she did say yes.

That night began a long journey with God in which he led and I followed in developing the relationship he wanted me to have with Adele. I didn’t know where the relationship would go. I felt like Abraham when God told him to go but wouldn’t tell him where it would end (Genesis 12:1).

As I look back, God had told me where the relationship was going, but I was too scared to believe it. Adele was the one that he had picked for my wife. Now, it was my job to follow him and trust him to enable me to make it happen.

Next week we will continue to describe this journey with God in facing my fears and insecurities and the other challenges in possessing the land that God had given me (Deuteronomy 1:8).

 

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But My Grass Isn’t as Green

January 16, 2016 by journeyintolight

Many of us measure our importance by silly standards. For example, if we have the greenest yard in the neighborhood, we are more important. Last week, I consulted with someone who had a far more prosperous writing ministry than I have. His grass was greener. Through a three-year process, I had grown humble enough to receive counsel from this man. Basically, he encouraged me to be faithful to help the few who were benefitting from my writing ministry and not be upset that it wasn’t as prosperous as his. He advised me to focus on helping the precious people who read what I wrote and not focus on comparing.

So What That Our Grass Isn’t as Green?

Most of us want to be important. We want our life to count. But we often believe lies about our importance. We believe that green yards measure our importance-and they don’t. If we can’t do one thing apart from God’s help that will stand the test of God’s judgment, how can we take credit for results as an indication of our worth (1 Corinthians 3:10-15)?

God says, “You look at how green your yard is, I look at why you strive for the green yard” (1 Samuel 16:7, paraphrased). Are we striving for the green yard to gain worth or to be faithful to God to take care of what he has given us?

And if it’s not as green, so what? God looks to see if we are using his knowledge, skills, and opportunities that he gives us. He promises us rewards if we use them wisely. He consoles us too by saying, “To whom little is given, little is required” (Luke 12:48, paraphrased).

Another problem that we have in striving after the greenest yard is that we are never satisfied. It’s built into our DNA that if we are using green yards to measure our worth, we will never feel consistently important (Ecclesiastics 6:7). There will always be someone with a greener yard that will make us feel unsatisfied.

A lesson I’m still learning is that green grass is not God’s goal for me. His primary goal for me is that I would allow him to help me water, weed, and fertilize the lawn. He wants to be my companion and helper through all of life, including striving for a green yard (Matthew 7:23).

How to Live Without Having the Greenest Lawn

An important way we can avoid frustration and discouragement is to not compare lawns. This often leads to pride or despair. When we “measure ourselves, by ourselves, we are not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12, paraphrased). Instead, we need to accept God’s free gift of importance and quit trying to earn it by have the greenest yard.

As mentioned, we are not wired to be content. Not only this, our society doesn’t want us to be content so that it can sell us things we don’t need. So, how can we be content when someone has a greener lawn? God says we can’t by ourselves. But we can with his help. Paul says,” I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation… I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).

A final thought about how to live without the greenest lawn is to stay focused on the truth. We are precious, no matter what our lawns look like (Isaiah 43:4). Greener lawns or better results will never increase our worth to God-it’s already sky high (Psalm 103:11). And God is not interested in us being the Green Lawn Person anyway, but in being the person he created us to be. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10, NLT).

 

 

 

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